LoriAdams33

Chapter Five of Forbidden: The Soulkeepers is now posted. Love for everyone to stop by :)

AlexVasu94

Hi Lori, I was wondering (if you have time) if you could pop onto my profile and read the trial version of my book? I'd really appreciate your insight. Thanks very much!

LoriAdams33

Hi Alex, sorry I took so long to get back to you. Didn't see your comment until just now. Thanks for inviting me to read your work!!!
            
            Let me start by saying you have a great imagination! I like the  setup and plot of your piece. I've not read too many stories with the narrator speaking directly to the reader and it made me wonder who your target audience was? I'm thinking older, say, YA or Adult?? The direct narrative might be suitable for someone younger though? Just a thought.
            
            Also, I know it's a pain to adjust paragraph breaks and dialogue breaks on wattpad--everything has to be done manually--but it makes a big difference to the reader. Large blocks of text can strain the eyes :)
            
            You have a great story going here and I definitely think you should continue. You have a nice 'turn of phrase' here and there which I love, as well as great descriptions. So keep going! I've learned that weaving descriptions in with action moves the story along smoother. You have created a wondrous new world that the reader should explore in small doses as the action flows.
            
            I'm keeping an eye on you . . . look forward to reading more. Hope this helps, a little.
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