Life is soup, I am fork. 

I'm gonna write this like a d&d monster sheet because you can't tell me not to. 

Haichie:
Str: -1 (Can barely open doors)
Dex: +1 (bendy but also clumsy)
Con: +2 (I don't even notice my injuries)
Int: +3 (Nerdiness over 9000)
Wis: -3 (street smarts who?)
Cha:-9 (about as socially gifted as your average dead squirrel)

Attacks:
-historical fact you didn't need to know. Deals 2 d4 of damage per fact. 

-Joke about sex. (1 d4)

-musical reference (heals any character with the "theatre kid" ability. Otherwise deals damage equal to their "cool" metre. 

-or Haichie can make a combined attack. Deals 2 d6 of damage. 

Abilities:
Theatre kid: Haichie can turn any ordinary sentence into a reference about theatre, just you waaaait.
Awkward: any situation where haichie is included becomes more awkward
Pack mentality: Deals greater damage in groups
Disaster Master: haichie can break down the world into dice and modifiers, watch out 



That was more fun than it should have been. 
Au revoir
-Haichie The Lost Sock