Louie

I didn't know what to write on here. 
          Liam's passing destroyed something or some part of my inner child and reminded me in such a painfull way that this people that seem so untachable are as mortal as we are. 
          I don't really care how or why it might have happened, I don't care about the details. A Person passed away that ment so much to so many of us and everything else doesn't matter. 
          I wasn't the biggest fan anymore and distanced myself from him bevor his dead, but I'm still mourning him and I was still completly shocked and devestaded. 
          I had time to process it now and as much as I thought his dead affected me, today teached me differently.  
          
          Me and my family have a really close bond, my mum worked full time when I was a child and my dad stayed home with us. I have a very close and speciall bond to him and we share so many passions and hobbies. Today he was brought to the emergency room, soon he got the message something with his heart was wrong. 
          They are gonna preform an open heart surgery on him tomorrow. 6 hours of surgery. The chance that he dies is 0.1 % which may sound like nothing but it is something. It is a chance. 
          I cried the whole day today, he promised me it wasn't over and he would stay around here for a bit longer, and I want to believe him. BUt still I'm so incredibly scared for him. 
          
          And this reminded me that, even though Liams dead was horrible, my realationships in the real world are so much more valuable and instead of hiding in my little perfect fan girl world, I should start spending and enyoing Time with the people I love, the people who know me and the one who care for me. Because you never now how long they will be arround to give you this love <3

Guys
          It's me 
          Hi 
          I'm the problem 
          It's me 
          
          Okay yes, I have been ofline for almost a month which is horrible and probably all of you forgot about me but hey 'm still alive. I went to a lot of ups and downs in the last weeks and now I'm on my last week bevor summer term. I can't wait. Next Friday I'm going to London, which even tho I've been mulitble tiems, Is still a big thing. Love that city with all of my heart. 
          
          I don't know when I'm gonna start updating again or if anyone even cares about the story anymore but I just see where life takes me 
          
          Love you all

Hi lovely people
          As you may have noticed, I haven't been uploading at all due to multiple reasons, health, mental health, exams and also a lack of motivation. I used to prewrite all my chapters but now I don't have any prewritten ones anymore. Soo, I got kinda stuck. But on the other hand, I really love the story and I wanna continue it, I have sooo many Ideas
          
          My new plan is to upload every second day, as it used to be in the beginning. I know you might say that those chapters aren't a lot of work, and that might be true, but next to all the other stuff in my life it still takes up some time to do them. 
          
          So as already said, I'm gonna try to upload every second day, but that might not always be possible. 
          
          Btw, does anyone have any tricks against hay fever?

Hey love! 
          Been a while since I last saw you. How's everything?

Hey guy, sadly there possibly gonna be no updates this week
          Since monday I have been suffering from immense pain while swallowing and today even pain killers don't help anymore so I may have to go to the doctors and check if everything is alright...
          Sorry

Okay, I'm sorry the updates *sight*
          I try, I'm just, not even stressed, I'm really unmotivated and I lack of energy to do something, and then there was champions League, I had tests, and yesterday was eurovision, soooo excited that Nemo won btw. They're such a good singer, their Vocals, hellooo
          Yeah soo I'm gonna try to work on it tomorrow again.

where are the updates?!! 
          I haveno clue, somehow I just forgot to write and now we're here and I have nothing to update, but tomorrow, hopefully I can give you some regular updates again yeah? 
          Sorryyyy

sh*t forgot to upload today, soweeyy
          
          I went to see the academic, for those who don't know who they are: they were one of the openers for Louis European Tour. Absolutly loved them when I saw them at his concert, started to listen to their music the next day, and they rapidly grew into one of my favourite bands. 
          
          They're an indie rock band from Ireland, coming from a place just outside Mullingar, which personally i found really funny. Their music just kicks in and the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. I'm still stu, loved every little second of the concert. It took place in a rather small club, with a capacity of only around 400 people, but the venue was completly sod out and I got the feeling everyone knew the lyrics. I was pretty close to them, I think row five or som, which was amazing. (Btw while writing everything sounds pretty Irish in my head haha) 
          
          Opener for them was this Engli guy, Is Anderson, he was a guitarist and backing vocalist for 1D and was also on tour with Louis. (You can also see him in AOTV somewhere, he's listed as cast on IMDb) 
          Anyway, he had this song, st. Panc, which is a train sti in London, if anyne wonders, and he said it's called like this because St.Pancras was the train sta he would always arrive on if he came to Lon from his hometown. For me, i the same. So I literally started crying. 
          
          Anyway, this was a way too long apologie for not uploading toda, but if you have the time, go and stream the academic. I'm going to get some sleep now. 
          
          *humming while walking away*: "Blame it on the sun, blame it on the sunlight, blame it on the moon, blame it on the moonlight, blame it on me, girl, blame it on me, she's my giiiirlfriend."

I know this might be an unpopular opinion and you might say I'm not a "real" Larry and that's okay, but I'm always gonna be a Louie. And Louis comes first, bevor one direction, bevor larry bevor any of the other boys. For me, it's that way. I love him so deeply and if Louis tells us he feels irritated, annoyed, stressed out whatever, because of Larry, I'm secretly hoping that it's just scripted and staged and that he just says that cause of closeting or whatever, but publicly I won't talk about Larry being real in any kinda way, because if Louis says the truth and even if he doesn't we should respect his boundaries. Especially when it comes to Freddie. My brother is the same age as him and imagining that there are people that would say he's fake makes my heart ache so much.
          I'm still writing fanfiction, I still read fanfiction, I still ship them and I still want them to be together, but I don't want to do anything that makes Louis uncomfortable. And as I said Louis comes before Larry so I just don't want to piss him of. Yeah

i'm not gonan promise that i'm gonna start uploding again tomorrow, but there might be a possibility :)