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I miss you so much 

I have actually no idea why this acc still exists, kinda like my life

Only been offline for a month and it felt kike 5 years and a half. Im alive yall

I think I wanna delete this acc idk

Genuinly begging to die rn pls kill me because I cant do it myself and I can't do it anymore everhtjg hurts sm and I just dont want to do this anymore pls by fuck yall

"Compliment girls on their nails, they work hard on them!"
          "Compliment girls on their skin, they put in effort for it!"
          "Compliment their brows and lashes, its painful to modify"
          
          Dude am I not a girl or what. I never apply nail polish unless its for fun and I take it out after like, 10 mins. And I never cut my cuticles or even give a fuck about nail shape. And speaking of skin, I haven't taken a shower for 2 weeks now lmao. Even when I did, soap and bodywash and that hoola hoola booti shit wasnt a common occurrence at all. And I never shape my brows or curl my eyelashes because genuinely WHO GIVES A FUCK
          
          Like I dont want to put in effort because HEY idc about what that girl in blue purple green gold hair from down the streer thinks about my tangles. I only put in effort when its ethical like its my (non existant) bestie's birthday or a school program, when its to make other feel better or do better but other than that, id go out looking like shrek and elmo's child and not.give.a.damn.fuck.

Someone: What's your hobby?
          
          *flashbacks of me throwing pity parties*
          *flashbacks of me overthinking*
          *flashbacks of me texting people i really shouldn't be texting*
          
          Me: Uh...reading.

IM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF RN
          
          JUST KILL ME YALL THIS WORLD SUCKS SM
          
          I HATE EVERYTHING SM
          
          I HOPE THE WORLD ENDS AND EVERYTHING DIES I WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN
          
          I JUST HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE MY LIFE SO MUCH SO MUCH I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE I CANT
          
          I HOPE EVERYONE DIES AND EVERYTHING ENDS EVERYONE IS SHITTY
          
          DOGS, CATS, GODDAMN HUMANS, EVERYONE IS SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT EVERYHTING IS SHIT DIE DIE DIE
          
          I JUST WANT TI FUCKING KILL EVERYONE
          
          I PROBABLY WILL 
          
          I HATE EVERYONE SM THE SERIAL KILLERS GOT IT ALL RIGHT
          
          I WANT TO BE A SERIAL KILLER
          
          IM JUST SO FUCKING SUCKING DONE THINKING ANF LIVING AND BREATHING
          
          I WISH I WAS BRAVE ENOUGH I DIE OR CIT BUT NOOOOOO IM GONNA BE STUCK SCRAMING IN WATTOAD MSG BOARDS INSYESD I
          
          I CANY I JUST CANT

I cant do this anymore I just cant
          
          Guess what I spent this morning doing? I wasnt crying to listening to depressive songs. I out on some of the edgiest, stupidest and weirdest songs and just lay there. I was supposed to work but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I was lying there just paralysed. I couldn't feel anything anymore and I couldn't cry. My parents aren't that abusive tho they still are. I have like 2 or 3 friends but they aren't. Im so stuck in the middle. I hurt so much so fucking much every fucking seconds but I feel like I shouldn't because im stuck in thr middle and not necessarily living bad. I cant cry anymore crying hurts sm. Im 13 and my hairs are greying. I cant cry I just dry heave hoping to squeeze a hormone thick tear out and I do it but it isn't enough. Im filling up with emptiness lile a ducking balloon and I just can't so this I want to burst but I cant it just hurts.
          
          I cant do anything at all I can't meet expectations I set for myself. And I feel so fucking terrible. I wish I was brave enough to cut or smth because that would help im sure it would. But im a fucking coward on top of things so no I can't even have that moment of respite.
          
          No one makes me feel happy anymore I just can't go on but I have to because LiFe. LiFe Is GoOd. It GeTs BeTtEr. JuSt HoLd On. Yeah fuck all that fuck positivity. Humans are th worst things ever and who the fuck decided that two people would get to raise a person with human emotions and potential just because they fucked? I hate this.
          
          And I can't say this idk if ill even post this im just ranting because its too much and idec if everyone thinks im doing it for attention because internet opinions is the last of my worries. 
          
          Im so dead im so dead im so dead and I wish I was but I dont. I want to just fucking stop and take a break but no. I cant because KeEp TrYiNg. Im so tired im so tired I just wanna sleep.

Bye