this message may be offensive
January 13 [11:00am]
back at the wattpad venting :)
SO I may or may not have lost the most important person in my life. I didn't really realize how good he is for me until I hurt him, he has every right to be cold about it. but somehow I got one more chance, and I'm scared to fuck it up. like this is the person I told all my past trauma to and he still loved me no matter what. then I let myself get into a deep depression where I wanted to be alone and I made a big mistake. a mistake that is making me feel the most regret I've ever felt. I didn't realize it, but he made me want to get better, he made me think that I was deserving of what he was giving me, he made me love myself, something that has always seemed so foreign to me.I've truly never felt this low in my life, and I've never wanted to get better more than I do now. I know he's not going to read this, and he doesn't have to. he doesn't owe me anything. I don't know what to do if all of this fighting I'm doing behind the scene goes to hell, because losing him would mean losing the best part of myself. He is the one person in my life who I really will feel lost without, and if I don't have him than nothing will feel worth it anymore. He was the reason I wanted to succeed, he was the reason I wanted to get out of bed in the morning, and in some extreme cases, he was the one who made me want to continue living. without him I'm lost. its always seemed silly to me, the idea of needing someone, because people walk in and out of my life all the time, so I never got too attached, but when he came into my life, that all changed. I truly need him at the end of the day,and because of one stupid decision, i might have lost all of that