Yeet- Nope

Hey you okay?

Hey, tiddies.

"You get an email and the subject is will you drink blood. Vampires or Jesus?" I asked my mom.
          
          "This is stupid," she said.
          
          "Mom, vampires or Jesus?"
          
          "Vampires, obviously."
          
          "You're wrong, it's Jesus."
          
          "What? But drinking blood,"
          
          "The blood of Jesus is wine, Mom."
          
          "But..."
          
          My sister cut in, "The body of Jesus is bread and his blood is wine, Mom, that's Bible 101."
          
          "I failed Bible class."

Me, misreading a tag that says 'panties': Pants!

Bro, ME. Like, I'm just the best. I'm so smart, and pretty. I'm like, amazing. *thwacks self in the head with my hand because I have zero limb control*

Fucking, melodramatic bitch, shut the fuck up.

Make love to yourself in the cool caress of night when all the lights are out and you can truly feel.

Well shit, guess this is happening.

I love the enemies to lovers trope, but what about bastards to lovers? Two characters that aren't enemies, one of them just really hates the other, so they both act salty. But not in an enemies way, like in a how-dare-you-put-the-flour-on-the-top-shelf way. They don't want to hurt the other person, just fuck around with them.

Wtf? The first time? Like befriending a merman is something that just happens? Wtf?