Okay, I just started to read your books, and I love them. Also, please do NOT commit suicide, there's lots of people out there who really, truly care for you. If you're being bullied, you're letting them win. Show them that you don't care; show them that you are stronger than them and that some bullying won't hurt you, and one day they'll be looking up to you. If its depression, it's okay, I've felt it before. It made me want to crawl in a hole and die. But I didn't. And now there's lots of people, including my family who care for me. If these are just random thoughts, then push them away. Talk to your parents, maybe a counselor, or your most trustworthy friend. Just stay alive, you have so much to live for <3 <3 <3