deelion

Tadi buka laptop sebab nak tulis DDPM. Lepas tu ternampak manuskrip LEB yang dah 3 bulan tak sentuh. Weh. Hati ni. MERONTA-RONTA NAK BACA NEXT CHAPTER. TAPI TAK ADA. ADA SAMPAI CHAP 15 JE ARGHHHHHHHHH. 
          
          Nornal ke fall dengan cerita yang kita sendiri tulis hmm. 
          
          TAPI BEST. 
          
          Saya menulis sebab cerita yang saya nak baca tak ada yang tulis :) 
          
          And if i am tbh. I love my writing style. 

The character doesnt feel alive. He doesnt speak to me. I'm having a hard setting the tone and colour for him. 

She get up from her sit and walks towards the window. 
          
          "I once experienced it. It was my old dream. I love that dream so much. I literally fought to be in it. But when I think I already grasp the dream. Everything vanish into thin air. In a blink of eye. I told myself its fine. Maybe I dont fought hard enough. So I tried again. Harder and harder. Everyday, every second." 
          
          A moment of silent. 
          
          "But I still failed." 
          
          She closed her eyes. Not letting any tears run down to her cheek.
          
          "And this is my new dream. I was supposed to be happy but I'm scared. All I can think about is the pain that I have to face when lose this dream. I'm a coward I know. I swear I tried so many times but it still..." 
          
          She choked up. Her hands quickly cover her face. 
          
          "It still hurts." 
          

"Does living your dream feels nice?" He asked. 
          
          "Nope." She answered with a gloomy look on her face. 
          
          "Why?" 
          
          "Its a dream isnt it? Dream will always end. Forcefully,  I will need to go back to the f*cking cruel reality." 
          
          She let out a deep breath. "Its just feels like, I'm hanging on a cliff. Waiting to fall."
          

And then they asked. Why are you struggling again. But this time I have no answer. Or maybe because there is nothing I could do even though I have the answer. 

Writers block + Reading slump

When she said, "how can you accept me when i cant even accept myself?" 
          
          :(

Author why do you keep on writing sad ending? 
          
          Me: I dont really understand the meaning of happy ending. All endings are sad to me. 
          
          

Nak menulis tapi busy :(

Nak baca Ha tapi tulis pun tak sambung2 lagi hm.