Hey there! I preferred if you call me Papi because I'm your daddy. *winks*

WARNING {Long Crap Ahead!}

Anways, the biography is supposed to be about me so here we go! *claps hand together* Let's get started...

Fun Facts About Me:
  •I like saying irrelevant, random things.
  •I spasm in awkward situations.
  •I have this abnormal fear of being force fed. 
  •I'm a failure at dancing. How do you even Hit the Quan? Who is Quan? I feel bad for him because people want to hit him. 
  •I named my vagina. So what? Boys probably name their dick. Her name is Stacy and she's the Queen of Octopussylandia. 

My Favorite Color:
  •Aqua Blue. Wet Blew. Blow. Hehe, blowjob (extra wet, no spitting). Kay, ignore that. Sorry that's actually really gross. Also I like lime green. 

My Favorite Quotes of All Time:
  •"I love you with all my butt. I would say my heart, but my butt is bigger."
  •"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die."
  •"I'll fuck you in the rain so you get twice as wet."

Your still reading this? *Slowly claps hands together* You deserve an applause! 

My Favorite Male Celebrities:
  •Zayn Malik~ In the bed all day, bed all day, bed all day. (It's a reference from Pillowtalk.) Who wouldn't want to be in the bed all day with him? Probably only Perrie Edwards.
  •Rhys Ward~ He's sexy in a mysterious way. 
  •Franchisco Lachowski~ *fangirls* I don't even, I can't even. I'M SPEECHLESS!
  •Christian Collins~ His eyes and that lip piercing... Enough said. 
  •Bryson Tiller~ Let's just say I'll do anything just to make you feel special. (It's a reference from Don't.)
  •Donald Trump~ Bitch you thought. I lied. Fuck that fool! 

Gee thanks for reading my long ol' biography. *pulls tissue out and blows nose while crying* Well, I suppose this is the end so I guess I'll see you on the flip side. 

Me: *awkwardly walks backwards until lights fade out, but accidentally trips on untied shoelace*