MBrownstone

I've kept the first chapter mostly the same and am rewriting the second. I republished it. Thanks again for your help and keep updating your book, it gives me soooo much inspiration. Bringing Twitchtip back was an idea I never thought of. I probably won't do it so our books are different, but it was a stroke of genius

thank you! I was hoping for a Suzanne Collins-like book that was maybe 50k+ so I'll slow down.

@cadenkurtzthe1 how many words do you plan on writing roughly? if it's anywhere more than 50k, the speed at which your plot expands is too fast. If you want a writer-like vibe throughout and a good mimic of Collins' style, you need to slow down. Don't rush in and write how Gregor woke up suddenly wanting to go back, then the next chapter a new prophecy comes out, and he's already half way on his journey; slow the tempo down, give it time to develop, what has changed after he got back, what is he doing, what other than a couple words from his sisters made him make up his mind to go back, you want the readers to really feel how Gregor doesn't think he belongs to the Overland anymore, how his heart aches to see luxa and the others again. If you want the fanfic to sound like an actual continuation of the original work rather than a short one shot, you need to be patient and bake the details in, you want to write about everyone, don't leave anyone out, add details that don't contribute to the main storyline but which makes the story feel big and mature.