I'm so sorry, i do too so I know what it's like. Please, feel free to message me but I can't guarantee I'll see it fast enough to help if you need it. Life genuinely gets better, as stupid as that sounds, that's coming from the girl who was suicidal hundreds of times for over 100 days total, over big things sometimes, and small things other times and sometimes just out of nowhere. It really does get better, after 3 full years of hating life myself my body and the fact that every time I attempted failed, I see why my attempts failed, it's because i deserve to live and recover and so do you. Life is great when your truly happy and I know you can be. I fully care about and love you just for being a human deserving of love. I really hope you don't attempt because if it works you'd be missing out on your great future. I love you, keep fighting, your thoughts are demons they lie and try to trick and hurt you. Don't let them win. Stay happy not crappy, life's a bitch don't quit. And thank you for reading. Thank you for still being here when you don't want to it means a lot to me