Shark bites

Being fat and loving your body is weird.
          
           Sometimes I feel like a singular child on the play ground with wolves, i worry that i won’t find another that could play with my toys gently. 
          
          i wonder if someone would like to trail there hand down my back and rest it on the arches of my hips, i wonder if I'll find someone that will find that hidden thermochromism under my skin as I'm warm to the touch, and like ph lipstick i would love to change colors on the lips of any girl or boy. 
          
          I wonder if you'll see the beauty that isnt just the curls of my hair, the softness of my skin, and that you could apperciate the curves even when they are in hideous akward jeans and khakis. 
          
          could you? could you really?

Tabbit text me 775 please <33 -fenix

I know i dont love you. I know i dont. If I did I would suddenly remember the poetic tongue I use to have. I write this note in a feeling of dryness of passion. 
          
          You are what I want to love. I know you are what I need. Thats why I can't let go of you? 
          
          You bring a worth to me that I've never felt before and I just wsnt to cling onto it, cling onto us. 
          
          But I know its a lie. And it hurts. It hurts me and I wonder what's wrong with me for not loving you like I should? 
          
          You are everything and I am nothing yet I am still unsatisfied? 
          
          We were better off as lungs and air, I'd be something that you mindlessly breath in without thought or care and we wouldnt need to feel the need to cling to eachother as we do. 
          
          You are everything, I am nothing, and together we are empty. 
          
          I dont know what I want. But I know its not good to hold onto you. 
          
          You are a painting and I am color blind and I curse at fate for making it so. I hate myself for it being so. 
          
          
          What are we doing?

Ugh you made me feel like an idiot again. Why did you so this to me? 
          
          Im such a fool for liking you. 
          
          I did something i never do for most. I let you circle around my mind until I recall a scent of the greenhouse, and even as my eyes are closes i see texture and colors and my hand can feel a wetness of leaves and petals. 
          
          You did this. You are like a breath in a greenhouse, and as I'm the corroded filter of a old ac unit, breathing you in feels like a hurtful realization. 
          
          Ugh why did you do this to me? Why? 

I hate when I say something and you commit to it. I hate how it hurts like its a punishment. 
          
          I spend my days texting you. Clingy. I hate this feeling. I hate you. 
          
          We made a deal. One I cant take back now but after its all over what is of me? A woman who is alone? I want you to take responsibility but the thought of your tenderness and this facade of friendship changing for some reason disgust me and makes me sick. 
          
          You make me sick. 
          
          You fucked up my endorphins now every notion of your existence feels like a sudden high and it drives me crazy.
          
          But we are two creatures not made for love. I know and its something I can swear on. 
          
          We are two not made for tenderness and im afraid that if you pushed your softness a little more I might suddenly become uninterested.

I think about you before I go to bed and I imagine your voice as a scene of me drifting to sleep plays. 
          
          I dont realize its fake. I hear a conversation my roommates having and as the dream you is talking i hope we arent too loud. 
          
          I hate you. I hate for starting to like you. I hate im doubting myself . 
          
          I hate you. 
          Yet, tomorrow we'll call and do it all over agian

Guys can I be honest on why I kinda stopped writing Ascian? 
          
          Its because erm Im 19 now.
          
          I kinda didnt want to be weird cause alot of the characters in SBG are like minors and i felt kinda weird continuing to write fanfiction for it. 
          
          I mostly like SBG for the plot and Im not really attracted to any of the characters and usually write in romance cause viewers want it, but despite that I still kinda felt weird.
          
          I have like 4 SBG fics. 2 are posted and the other 2 are in drafts T_T. So sad.
          
          

Would yall be interested in Y/n stories but with original plots and storytelling so not being based on any Fandom 

Guess who? :D

So sorry everyone for dropping Ascian, graduation is coming up for me and school has been keeping my attention.