Hi mandi. I’ve been reading your story the older man, and I have to say, what were you doing? The story is completely disorganized. You have multiple different plots going, and it’s hard to follow along because none of them are explained in any way! The story does have potential. I can tell that you are a good writer, it’s just you lack focus in your writing. You’re trying to make this a story that keeps you on your toes, but for you to start trying to get people on their toes, you need to give the a floor. Just some constructive criticism.