dj

Please follow me back:)

hI MOM

I once agin like your profile pic 

I like your new profile pic

I really need to hug Troye

Haven't posted lately

I HAVE A SAMSUNG NOW WHICH MEANS I CAN WRITE MY STORIE S OH MY GODS H SKSH

Lately i feel like I'm changing something. It feels good.

I'm better at putting myself down than lifting myself up. Trying to be happy disgusts me, but I want to be happy so bad. I laugh way too easily because I've been fucking depressed for so long my emotional control is out of wack. My mom and sisters are all bipolar and bully me i haven't seen my brother in years I was physically and mentally bullied by past classmates and a group of children while my sister and cousin laughed and watched, I take time out of my day STILL, to make my mom and dad see a silver lining in having kids. My older sister acts like my mother and constantly calls my music trash, my little 6 year old sister is an annoying runt who breaks my things and hurts my friends. I never have friends over and i only have 2 real friends. I smile because I'm afraid Ill bother people if I frown, i am the wisest person in my family, I have incredible patience and despite being annoying and horrible, I give the deepest a.d best advice out of my friends. I'm not big headed so the chance to talk about myself (which I make rare) is the best time ill ever have. I care too much about everyone. I cry when I talk to adults and I am partially bipolar too. I have depression and fatigue, severe anxiety/panic disorder, OCD, ADD, and Binge Eating Disorder. I'm thin because there's no food in my house. I'm too deep inn the gutter to think innocently. So when my friends ask me how I am, i look back on life with a stone face and say I'm fine. I smile, and ask them how they are. I look emo, and I'm scared to wear colors, actually scared, but I try to so it looks like there's nothing wrong. I want my family to come to me for their problems, im incredibly intelligent, and intellectual when it comes to the real world and how to get through things in the nicest, most readable way. I'm wild and outgoing to my friends but I'm still very very silent. Silence is the loudest scream, but no one can hear you, so I smile, pretend im not screaming inside. To make you happy, I like you happy.

Good nostalgia makes me sad, bad nostalgia makes it worse. I think I've had some good memories but i can't look back on life without squinting my own eyes on how I couldve possibly stayed alive for that. Thank fucking god for my ADD, i was never too focused on sadness for long.