SUICIDAL

My smile can hide everything,every simple cut on my wrist,every tear i left.I feel so alone,you know..I had enough.I just hope that everything's going to be okay,because my thoughts don't mean the same.They mean,that's nothing going to be fine,or okay.Other pupils,have everything A'es.I can't mom and dad be so perfect like others. I'm sorry for having suicidal kid... I mean,that everything what i do,makes the pain go away. Cutting,pills,alcohol,ciggaretes.. everything makes the pain go away.You said,that if i'm going to tell you my secret that you won't leave.I told you my secrets,and you start judging about cutting,or every simple tear.You started making fun of me.I thought that you're gonna help me..But i'm stupid,I have to smile,and nobody will ask if everything is okay,or to tell you that you can tell him everything,every secret..And they're going to find out how I was fucked up when i die.I just can't take it anymore. I can't.Everything is spiralling out of control. There's so much shit in my life,that i don't know from where do i have to start…Please,don't ask me if I'm okay,or something else,because i might open up to you,and then you're going to leave,because you're only curios. You don't care for me,or what's going to happened if I'm alone in my room,alone with my thoughts. Because,i don't handle things very well. One word 'f*,bi*h,sl*t'or something else can make me to do something you regret later.You don't know how much words hurt,or just one word. I can't describe that.I'm so fucked up,i wanna die.When i'm going to die,when i'm not going to be here anymore, everything is going to be better.Your life,my life. I'm going to be in hell,because when you kill yourself,you're going to hell.i'm so fucked up,i wanna die,i don't wanna live anymore. And my life is not so nice. Isn't at all. If your life is so perfect,then live my life alone. I hate me,and my life;because everyone are leaving from me… you see;you or someone else are my life. And then, you left. :)

I am a person of survival , but growing up, that was not really my title
          A dead soul who was screaming for revival,a young girl who became suicidal. I felt the hits and the kicks of society,probably the reason why i suffer from anxiety. I was never in a form of perfection,so i became the best example of neglection. They called me name from fat bitch,to white trash,to other shit,I won't say it's that bad they called me up and would always need back up. call me a slut and say my family was jacked up.death threats everytime I logged in,always on some other shit DAMN here we go again,I was already alone now I'm looking for a friend,got no friend so here I am wishing it would end and it didn't it,it never did, was always somethin' when I was fell good and they remind me I was nothing,Everytime that I was down they couldn't help me
          i had enough,i was so fucking done,i couldn't face all the drama so I decided to run but you can't run forever.so I just stared at that rope wishing my life would expire... I mean,fuck it,if I am really nothing,then nobody would stop me from taking that rope and jumping. SO i took it tied it  around my little throat and proceeded to jump, when my mom bust in the door, i didn't know what to do, i didn't know what to say,i saw the tears in her eyes 
          Now i pray,pray for the people who never see the light,pray for the people who still cry at night... For every closed room I'm here to open the door