Marv1nn_

And why people who don't want to waste their time there are considered weird or rebelious? I just want to fucking live and not have suicidal thoughts everyday bro

Honestly I'm just giving up on everything to FUCKING STAY ALIVE AND SOMEWHAT SANE. Last year I stopped the guitar classes because I was too tired to practice both guitar and violin. Now I'll probably resign from violin too, because I'M SO FUCKING TIRED ALL THE TIME AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO PRACTICE. And the worst is that I WOULD have time and will to practice both instruments if I didn't go to school. I have fucking 8 classes, so 5-6 hours everyday, plus the way to school is an hour, so I'm 7-8 hours outside the house, then I'm expected to learn for tests, for myself, have time for hobbies AND DON'T LOSE MY MIND OR WILL TO LIVE. I MIGHT HAVE DEPRESSION AND THIS FUCKASS PLACE MAKES IT WORSE. WHY GOING TO A BUILDING TO LISTEN TO PEOPLE TALK FOR 6 HOURS, THEN GOING HOME TO LEARN WHAT THEY COULDN'T TEACH US, IS CONSIDERED NORMAL? WHY DOES IT MATTER MORE THAN MAKING PEOPLE WANT TO LIVE? I'll kms soon if nothing will change

I swear, my math teacher will be on my off note. I felt a little better throughout the summer, but now it's getting worse again AND SHE'S MAKING IT BE LIKE HELL

I feel like shit 

I'm tired after one day, I want to stay home

I'm scared of the school year, NOW even tho I have time to rest, I have depressive episodes, so it'll probably get worse, +it'll be winter, so cold and dark and I'll feel even worseಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ
          Anyway, next week I'll go to psychiatrist and we'll see if I have autism or not:D

Okay, I overreacted again, I was overstimulated

I'm so ungreateful 

I have perfect life and I'm still complaining. I'm on the holiday in Italy and was happy for like half an hour. I didn't really want to go, because it's far away, hot and I'm not able to go to my room. I started hating it soon after arriving, I don't like family vacation in general, but it's worse. I'm dripping sweat, I'm tired and my suicidal thoughts came back after almost whole summer break. I feel so guilty, my parents spend so much money on the trip and picked Italy because I started learning Italian. I hate myself so much, I wish I would die soon. I think I'll tell my mom I'll stay for the rest of the trip inside, but I don't want to make her worry and being ungreateful. I just want to go home, I won't go to family vacation ever again

Do I have the right to be mad at my siblings who want to put me in the smallest room after remont, even tho I'm the oldest and have the most stuff? They're 8 and 11, my brother wants my current room and my sister wants the bigger room on the attic. The other room that they agreed to leave me is barely enough to have bed, desk and closet. I have the most things and NOW I sometimes don't have where to put it. I want to kms