Mys♡

so I officially have really good, high speed internet at my house which means I really want to focus on my writing the most I can. Obviously, a lot has happened this past year. 
          
           I know the pandemic has affected everyone very differently whether it be physically or mentally. I am grateful that I am safe and that everyone I love is safe as well. Being an essential worker during these times causes a lot of stress at times and has made me worry a lot more. I know I have never had many followers, but I used to have a lot of friends on here that I enjoyed talking to. I don't talk to them anymore because life just got busy for everyone. My goal though is to try to get pack into that zone and write way more. 
          
          I am hopefully going to be starting my senior year of high school in September and I want to get into a college with a creative writing major. That being said, I need to get more feedback and get back into the swing of things. 
          
          In order to boost my creativity, I am going to try my best to steer clear from fanfictions...only if I am having a writer's block. I need to stick to my originality in order to be the best writer I can be. I am not deleting any of my fanfictions because I know they are what got a lot of support and I get so much nostalgia from them. I can't believe it was nearly 5 years ago I wrote them, it feels like only 1!
          
          This past year, I have been more critical on myself and I give myself a harder time than I should. I really want to start letting go of that, not for anyone but myself. It is really unhealthy to think so negatively of yourself especially when you think of everyone and everything else positively. 
          
          I am not typing this out because I am expecting tons of people to see this, it's more for myself to get back on track. Although if someone is reading this out of pure convenience, then that's cool too. 
          
          I hope everyone is doing at least alright during these times and I am praying we have better days to come.

what even is life? 
          I am done, 
          I am sick and tired. 
          when will it end? 

I swear I am going to start making more time for my writing. I miss doing it so much and whenever I have even only 10 minutes to write, it makes me feel so good and relaxed. I miss talking to all of my old friends on here who were so nice and understanding. I just need to express myself more so I can be healthier in my real life. 

pls check out my prologue to my not so new story but ♡

being in an abusive relationship is an awful thing to experience. I was in one for only 5 months and it controlled me. I was so fucked up. I never did my makeup or my hair. I never took care of myself. I always put this person's needs in front of my own as if that isn't healthy enough, they were very selfish and never thought about my needs at all. my friends and family were constantly worried and my bestest friends knew something was wrong with me but I wasn't willing to admit until the facts were right in front of me. that this person lied and cheated and used me multiple times. I felt so lost. but I knew I wasnt alone in feeling this way. my own mother has been in an abusive relationship and I now know how she feels.  it doesn't matter if your relationship was shorter than another's if you experienced the same thing. I now realize more than ever how awful it is and to be treated like scum by someone you think loves you back. just please know if you know what I'm going through that I am here for you. don't answer the phone when they are calling, don't respond to them, no matter how hard they try to reach you, remember you are better than them and you deserve so much more than they could offer. 

I know that saying sorry won't make up for anything so I won't say it. 
          my internet has been really bad at my dads and that's where I mainly live. it has been this way since December but hopefully it will be fixed this week and its also spring break for me now so I hope I will be able to be write on here again. 
          I have been writing on Google docs bc you can save your work offline but with wattpad I can't type unless I have a solid internet connection. 
          I will be working harder to write especially with the end of the school year coming. 
          I miss you all. 
          ❤

IM GOING TO UPDATE SOON I SWEAR ❤

I'm sorry I'm never on here I've been living my life and having struggles that everyone has within their life. just know that I am trying to get back into writing. because that is what has brought me to where I am today. I miss you guys.

I think you guys will like this chapter of Problematic :))

lol, someone I know from school posted on their account; "does anyone look at good girls and just cringe bc same". apparently getting fucked is way more important than having good grades and getting into a good college, my bad.