I can't tell you how much everything feels dull, how it feels to embrace something that sits within my stomach- like a hollow hole. I heed the warning that I won't be the best anymore, the person you have known and what I grown to embrace as my newest and wishful mask. Forgetting that I was ignoring my own truth. My true feelings that are blunt and dull, or even heartless. I don't expect anyone to reply, this is just to get off my shoulders since it feels like a task I must fulfill before moving on.
I will still be on wattpad, writing whatever and progressing through life. A lot might be seen at my 'sudden' change. But I do, really do, feel empty about what I created with my own hands and our interactions with you.
My true self will be presented in what I create from now on, because that is my vent, my reliever because talking about problems, my own problems towards anyone, feels like a lie. A dead note. But, in what I can do best, it will be my peace I cradle to, because I am not strong- despite everyone that says otherwise. This is me embracing it, and like alcohol I will drown. And like a drug, a pain reliever, it brings a sense of relief at the cost of emptiness and crawling dread.
Forgive me, but don't pray for me. Don't worry about me, and don't bring me over a new leaf.
I am 17, and I am still drowning in my own domain for the past 8, and I don't remember what happened before that incident, what I felt like as free because it's all a blur. But, shouldn't I be able to remember? I was old enough to remember so why don't I know? I guess, they never really mattered.
.
.
.
Only my selfish desires.
Keep soaring through the skies, keep diving through life, and keep that wondrous emotion alive with others. Because drowning in darkness is not ideal at all.
