Hi Matt, welcome to the site. I just wanted to offer some advice if I may. I work as part of the community team on here and one of my colleagues pointed out your story as I'm a bit of a SF fan.
You'll probably get more feedback if your post your story in a series of chapters rather than one massive post at it appears at present. Most users tend to upload a chapter or two a week to give people change to read piecemeal.
If you need any help or have any questions, please feel free to get in touch (hit reply) and I'll do my best to help out. Cheers, Gav
