Hi! My name is Ijiwaru Tougan. I was born in April of 1899 in a rural area of France. My father, Cyrano de Bergerac, was hit on the head with a log when I was young and died painfully and deliriously. Nothing I will ever tell you about myself will ever be true, except that I am a meanieheadface, I am toaster-kin, and I have friends. One of my friends is half of myself. It's complicated. I never spam anybody, because that would be a meanieheadfacey thing to do. You can contact me at meanieheadface@gmail.com. Follow me on Wattpad and you'll be rewarded. Don't question my flawless logic. Canada is fake, everybody. My Little Pony, My Little Pony, aaah-aah-aaah-aaah... The world is run by egotistical giant squirrels. PM me and I might respond. I'm not a human, and I swear that's the truth. I promise. I am really, truly not a human. Deal with it. I'm not an alien either. If you guess what I am, I will write a story in your honor. I am afraid of chile peppers and horseshoe crabs. Bologna is despicable. So am I. I speak a lot of languages. A lot. I bet if you PM me or comment in a different language, I will be able to respond. But don't use Google Translate. Google Translate sucks. Also, I know about a bajillion lyrics to Queen songs, and I can tell you how bad your grammar is. So yeah. If you want any of that, you're in the right place. Or if you want help with your math homework, I suppose. Because I actually could help with all of that. If you took the time to read this entire thing, PM with the message "floppy noodles are all my fault".