Melyn L. Kit

I need to stop caring so much

Took me 3 years but I just had one of the best epiphanies I have ever had for my original work. 
          
          For years I have been really struggling to fully flesh out a really important concept of my work, but I solved it tonight and I am so happy with the result. 
          
          Yay yay yay yay yay yay!!!!!!!!
          
          And it started with the most spontaneous of thoughts :) 

Got an new iPhone and I love ittttttt :) I had an iPhone 11 for 5 years, finally I decided to upgrade :) 

I have a book that’s apart of something original I want to do, but that book is called ‘Sixes and Sevens’. 
          
          The book has been called that for 3 years now, and it was inspired by olden uses of the phrase, like Shakespeare, who used the phrase in one of his plays, and Chaucer. It means ‘risk’ as well as ‘disorder and confusion’. 
          
          And there’s a deeper meaning behind why I chose it as a title that relates directly to the story, but I can’t get into it without sounding secretive, because I don’t wish to talk about what’s in the book. 
          
          But I can’t use that name anymore, how can I, when there is a whole meme around it? I scroll through Instagram and once in a while I’ll find a video of people saying ‘six seven’ and I just sigh. 
          
          I’ll just have to pick a different title. 

I’m going to rant about AI stories. 
          
          Well… not AI stories on their own, but people who say a story is originally written, when in actuality it was written by AI. 
          
          I didn’t know it was a thing that people put out AI written stories to engagement farm, I only discovered recently that people actually do that kind of thing, and pass it off as their own work. I’m naive like that. 
          
          I found many books that are wholly written with AI, but they’re passed off as the author’s own writing. Posting hundreds of chapters in the last few months, and them being thousands of words long as well, who has the time to write so much in such a short time?
          
          But people eat AI stories up, because they gather dozens of thousands of reads. Although, if AI writing makes readers happy then I shouldn’t judge them. But from my view, I struggle to understand it. As a writer, AI writing is horrific, it is so dramatised, it has no idea how to write with emotion. I think it’s painful to read. 
          
          Not to get too… Karen about it, but I find it insulting when people post AI slop and try to convince others that it’s their own. If you post AI writing… at least say it’s written by AI so everybody knows, of course there isn’t a TOS about it and there never will be, so this is a meaningless rant. But what kind of validation do people get from publishing AI stories as their own? It’s a false sense of pride. You can fall into such a bad mental rabbit hole from it that I pity the people who do it. Because at that point you’re lying to everyone, and also yourself. Why do that? 
          
          It’s frustrating to think about it because people have a choice in it, and they choose the option that is worse for your writing skills and wellbeing. There is such a joy in writing yourself and it’s so much more rewarding, but it doesn’t offer an immediate dopamine hit and it takes time to see results, so people choose the other option. 
          
          I wish I didn’t care but since I’ve ranted about it, it’s clear that I do :( 

I want to write a story again and I have a nice idea that I would like to do.
          
          But it's a fanfiction, and like, I feel too old to write fanfiction.
          
          Even though l'm 20 years old, l'm literally the audience of fanfiction!
          
          l act so much older than I am sometimes and I hate it :( I just want to act my age and be dumb.
          
          But I started reading fanfic at 13 years old, and ever since then I've associated fanfiction with being 13 years old. That it's a thing kids read.
          
          So I feel disgust when I have a desire to read or write fanfiction, it feels like a guilty pleasure. But loads of people who are older than 20 write fanfiction, it's normal. Why can't my brain accept that???
          
          Ugh.
          
          One day I'll get over it, I hope.

I love sapphic fiction! 

And once in a blue moon I get struck down by my own stupidity. 
          
          I willingly thought about my biggest phobia and coaxed myself into a panic attack. Who does that? God help me. 
          
          

I’ve been going through an art renaissance recently, and I’m really happy 
          
          Once in a blue moon I get reminded that I’m not bad at painting, and I just draw and scroll through Pinterest looking at art for hours. I’ve done that every night for the past few days. 
          
          It’s a wonderful feeling. 
          
          I want to paint like WLOP one day, I’ve never seen more stunning art in my life. 

Wattpad has really gone downhill. 
          
          It’s sad :(