Oh no!...Anyway

I hope my friends don't find my wattpad fr. I am only out to one of them...

I have this theatre camp. At summer. I want to be noticed, to be cared about for once. Maybe if I will just look like a guy, if I will just be skinnier, I will be happy.

The feeling when you binge on a lot of food because of period, dysphoria and all, thinking you just consumed millions and thousands of calories, only to realize it was barely above recommended income for a teenager :D

Plus, I decided that I will be losing weight from now on. Yaaaaaaaay. It’s also for me to pass better, ig?

So, how’s life? I picked a few new hyperfixations!
          
          
          And I am questioning endlessly.
          
          
          Ah yes, the two endless things: space and questioning.
          
          
          And dysphoria.
          
          
          But that’s the thing, I sometimes (all the time) feel, that I am not suffering enough to be trans?
          
          
          Like, I don’t know. 
          
          Peace

So, your obsessed-with-necromacy-person again! Yaaaaaaay.
          
          We were  talking about resuscitation in biology class. And the funny thing is, in czech, “resuscitation” is called “oživení”, which can be taken out of context and translated as “reincarnation”. 
          
          So, save lives people! Take this medic course and become a necromacer yet today!
          
          
          I told this to my friend and she was like: I am going to kill this man quicker than preparing instant noodles.

Oh, what’s yours “happens every Tuesday” situation?
          
          Mine is: being threatened with being kicked out, and I didn’t even come out yet. Bruh

I don’t know. I feel horrible. I am horrible. One of my friends is suicidal, and she mentioned something about her suicide note, if she ever did it. I couldn’t take kt. I hugged her and started crying, but she had to phone someone so I just awkwardly walked outside and bought some pepsi. Fuck my life.

Oh well. I am an atheist. No hate to people who do religious stuff, genuinely believe, do some rituals, anything. 
          
          I don’t know what got into me today. I never prayed in my short life. I had a dram about my friends commiting suicide, being miserable with life etc. And I couldn’t do a damn thing. I woke up crying, literally breaking down. I am so scared that when I tell about my problems to people, it only hurts them. I think I only try to shift the blame from me on somebody else. And then, in the middle of my break down, I started praying. I wasn’t even praying to the official god or whatever, I was just mumbling some inconherent words, like to universe, my friends, or anyone who would listen and forgive me. Idk man, I feel just weird about it.

So... I suddeńy remembered that animated movie - Frozen. Fuck. My childhood.
          
           It was winter and snowing, we were outside. I was seven-ish, and I was throwing the light, powder-like snow around, and spinning among the snowflakes. Admit it: you all wanted the ice powers elsa had. We all wanted them badly. 
          
          Like, I wanted to be able to kill people by turning them into ice statues. I told that to my teacher - let’s never forget about the look on her face.
          
          Btw, I grew up from this: now I want only fire powers.