Laura Jean Best

Eekk, thank you so much for the follow! And voting on Alpha Vaughan as well!❤️❤️❤️

Dear, thank you so much for your votes on Master Sebastian!!❤️❤️❤️

My birthday will be on the 6th. I will be 25. One quarter of a hundred. Its a big milestone for me. I want to look myself in the eyes on the 6th and see the strength and confidence everyone says they see in me and that I portray. Because honestly... I don't fucking notice it at all. Honestly I'm tired of being told Imma be kicked out if I make one decision or another. I hate being told what I can or cannot do. I hate being controlled and hurt and used. I want to die sometimes just so I won't be controlled anymore. I cry until its hard to breathe. At first the place where I live was very nice and positive. Very messy and gross but it seemed great at first. Now its cleaner yet monstrous and constricting. I feel like the life is getting sucked out of me. I'm so tired so often now that I sleep the day away. I need a miracle. I want to be a signedm model and have a lot of money and move out. Its what I deserve and need. I'm in hell.

I'm fucked. My whole DAMN LIFE I HAVE BEEN FUCKED OVER AND BEATEN DOWN! I CANT EVEN GET A MOTHER FUCKING JOB! I FEEL WORTHLESS. I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE! I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE! I am having a panic attack as quietly as I can can right now so my best-bro-friend doesn't hear me. He's playing games with his friends online and I don't want to bother him. I want to go home and I don't even know where home is. I have no means of transportation because of other people who have jobs. The car given to me by my dead mother was trashed by 2017 by my younger and older sibling. I'm the middle child. They wouldn't even teach me to drive like they said they would. I have my permit. But I have nothing but a highschool diploma from 2014. My kindness and a learners permit. And a certification for food and safety in my state I live in. Other than that I'm fucked. My dream is to be a singer. HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO THAT?!I would have to be some kind of miracle charity case. I can feel my heart breaking. I can barely take a breath right now with out shaking. 

I need a hug right now

I'm.. Not okay. My heart is tender and vulnerable. My mind is swarming with stabbing thoughts. Scenarios that could or could not happen. Scenarios that make me cry from happiness or sadness. Some make me feel angry or joyful. I wish my mind would let me say all of what I wish to say instead of cowering away, and backing down. They say the mind is complex. Mine certainly feels complex. Sadly and proudly I can say I'm use to it and I have become stronger from it. 
          
          Mermaid177♓

I fucking hate loud people when I'm trying to sleep. I'm so tired my eyes hurt like pins and needles.

I swear I want to punch a wall. I have been through so much shit. Only to say I love him and to only feel like I'm talking to a wall. I wish he would say his feelings to me. I'm sobbing. I'm frustrated. I don't know where I stand. I want him and need him and desire him. I want to be with him. I feel the need to be with him for the long haul. An actual relationship. Learning and growing together. My heart... When I ask him to tell me where I stand or how he feels. My heart will either be shattered or ecstatic. I'm scared. I feel like I can't get anything out of him. Do I have to yell at him? I'm tired of being patient. He says he's too busy for a relationship. He works 5/7 days a week. He cooks for his parents and brother. He cleans at his house there too. His mom knows I love him. She doesn't want to get into it though. She wants him to have a relationship. I'm just... I want to run into the woods and scream. 

Hello Mah peeps. I'm sorry I haven't updated as promised. I have been going though health problems lately. I have been having anxiety attacks. If you don't know what it feels like then look it up. They pop up out of nowhere. No trigger as far as I know. I am going to get to the bottom of it though. No I don't have suicidal thoughts either. I am an ambivert so I'm not a hermit Lol. I do have chest pain and palpitations and shaking just to name a little. Please try to understand . 
          
          ~*mermaid17*7

Don't you guys just love deafening silence in your room at night? When you can finally think? Its so comforting almost like a friend. I love my ear ringing silent room.