MickeyMousieClub

Part 2 
          	And now....a note to Liam, if he is listening...
          	
          	
          	Liam, I love you, I love you so much
          	
          	You mean more to me than you ever knew 
          	
          	You have saved me in ways I didn't know I needed saving, and healed me in ways I knew I did
          	
          	Your smile is the best thing in this world, I can't see your smile without smiling back
          	
          	I miss you, I miss you, and I miss you
          	
          	I've never been the best with words, even tho I've just typed alot 
          	
          	But gosh, Liam, my baby, my Payno, my Leeroy, my Daddy Directioner, the love of my life
          	
          	I'm going to miss and love you forever and ever
          	
          	I thank you for all the hard hard work you did for us fans, it shows everyday 
          	
          	Like that time you bought Valentine's for your fans, it just goes to show
          	
          	And I want to thank you for being the best, most beautiful, kindest person I know
          	
          	I love you Liam, I can't believe in any way that it's been a year
          	
          	But I love you....rest easy my darling 

MickeyMousieClub

Part 2 
          And now....a note to Liam, if he is listening...
          
          
          Liam, I love you, I love you so much
          
          You mean more to me than you ever knew 
          
          You have saved me in ways I didn't know I needed saving, and healed me in ways I knew I did
          
          Your smile is the best thing in this world, I can't see your smile without smiling back
          
          I miss you, I miss you, and I miss you
          
          I've never been the best with words, even tho I've just typed alot 
          
          But gosh, Liam, my baby, my Payno, my Leeroy, my Daddy Directioner, the love of my life
          
          I'm going to miss and love you forever and ever
          
          I thank you for all the hard hard work you did for us fans, it shows everyday 
          
          Like that time you bought Valentine's for your fans, it just goes to show
          
          And I want to thank you for being the best, most beautiful, kindest person I know
          
          I love you Liam, I can't believe in any way that it's been a year
          
          But I love you....rest easy my darling 

MickeyMousieClub

A year and one day ago, I never ever thought I'd be writing something like this
          
          I expected to be writing this in 60 years, actually I hadn't even processed the fact that these boys that I love could die in the first place
          
          So the fact that I'm here, writing this with tears streaming down my face, is not what I expected to do on a "random Wednesday night" 
          
          
          When I found out he'd pass, I was surrounded by people I love, but who don't understand my love for Liam 
          
          They didn't understand why I was holding back tears, and maybe I should've cried to show what he means to me, but I didn't, I held on until I came home and sobbed for hours while looking at pictures of him.
          
          I miss him, in ways I can't describe, but I also know that you guys understand, which is why I love you, because you understand this pain. 
          
          Anyways, I was in such a denial stage when I found out, and I was all over the show until I landed back on denial, like, "what do you mean he's not gonna do an Instagram live again?" "What do you mean, I'll never know what he would've looked like today"
          
          I'm lost without him, and I shouldn't let someone who I've technically never met, be such a big part of myself, but I have, Liam is what makes me, me
          
          I miss him every single day, and a piece of me died with him, and I don't think I'll ever get that piece back, and that's okay 
          
          Not a day goes by where I don't think of him, or where I don't look at all the beautiful memories he has had over the years
          
          
          My heart goes out to his family and friends who did know him personally, because our pain as fans, is so so so valid, but they actually KNEW him, so I just want to love on them, especially on this hard day
          
          
          The fact that it's been a year.....I can't believe it's been that long
          
          It feels like yesterday I got that three word text, the text that changed my life
          
          "Liam Payne died" 
          
          And gosh, I miss him, I can't put anymore words to explain how much I just MISS him
          
          There is a hole in my life... 

MickeyMousieClub

Not ready for tomorrow y'all...

LarrysWornoutCloset

@MickeyMousieClub and people still think making jokes about Liam's death is okay.  Makes them cool, yk ?!
            Well I'd rather be a clown than make fun of someone who struggled with so much to be cool, Thank you very much. 
            Let's just all stick together, we're all in it ! <3
• Reply

MickeyMousieClub

this message may be offensive 
@LarrysWornoutCloset yeah I get what you mean....I haven't come to terms with it either, I'm still at the denial stage tbh, aka stage one, I went denial, anger, more anger, extremely depressed and sad and then denial again, just not accepting the fact...the fact hes gone 
            
            And I agree as well, I morn the 16th because it's THE day, but I found out on the 17th at like 2pm....in front of family friends, trying to not break down, while everyone was LAUGHING at the fact he fucking died which pissed me off so so much
• Reply

LarrysWornoutCloset

@MickeyMousieClub Exactly.  I still haven't come to terms with that and I don't think I'll ever be able to.  
            Also when I read about it, it was like 4 in the morning for me on 17th. So 16th and 17th are going to be equally difficult to go through.
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MickeyMousieClub

Does anyone have any really good Ziam smut with like a cute background (idm drama but definitely more focused on their HAPPY relationship) preferably a relationship that is already established at the beginning of the book? That narrows things down a lot, but PLEASE let me know, I've been dying for Ziam lately, and I'll take any good Ziam recs at the moment

MickeyMousieClub

@Niallerspinkytoe I'll check it out! I love your organizing 
            
            Also.... Zianourry is my guilty pleasure, I'm obsessed, we need more of them
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MickeyMousieClub

@haroldseroda yeah, it's all right she can write whatever she wants, but like.... her smut is impeccable, so if she wrote Ziam, I'd die
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Niallerspinkytoe

@MickeyMousieClub on my profile I have a whole thingy for Ziam. I have RLLY good stuff on therr
• Reply

MickeyMousieClub

It's currently 12:10 for me right now.... On the 29th of August 
          
          I don't really know how to start this post because I've never had to do something like this....as we all know, this isn't just a happy birthday post, this is pure emotion and frankly I don't know where to start or end or what to say in the middle so I'm gonna try to say what I feel but good luck understanding me....
          
          
          Happy birthday my darling Liam Payne, our Leeroy, our Lima Bean, the joy and highlight of my life
          It has now been 32 years since you have come into this world and gosh, you mean so much to so many people, I can't put into words how grateful I am for you 
          We never ever met, and you don't know me, and never will, but you have done so much for me, and I miss you, I miss you more than words can explain
          I miss you in the morning, in the afternoon, and at night, I miss you all the time
          Even when I'm happy and even finally understanding of these circumstances there is always a small part of me that got buried with you, and I don't think I will ever get that back completely 
          
          I. Love. You. 
          That's all there is to say, it's going to be a hard day for millions of people today, and my heart goes out to Bear, to Kate, to your parents and sisters, to your friends, and your 1D brothers 
          I hope they are okay as well
          
          I'm over here sobbing, I can't explain how much I wish you could be here, how much I wish you could've made it to this new chapter of your life, but life has different plans and I know you are happy now, so rest in peace my baby
          I love you and miss you, and happy birthday from your loving fan....Mikayla

MickeyMousieClub

Wattpad recommending me straight smut when I've done nothing but read gay 1D related fics for over a year.....

Boobearscarrots28

@MickeyMousieClub 
            that literally happened to me like what r u thinking wattpad don't ya know me after all this time?!!!
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Louis3rddick09

@MickeyMousieClub babe all i read is larry and im still getting recommended straight smut
• Reply

MickeyMousieClub

this message may be offensive 
Not sure about who or how much I've mentioned this
          But uh, I kinda just need to get it off my chest
          
          Uhm, up until today, I was 116 days clean...which is more than I've ever been clean since starting, and uh yeah, as you could probably guess, I broke that record today, sooooo feeling like complete shit right now
          
          Also, when people say that when you have addiction "the longer you are clean, the easier it is, that it's hard to fall back into it again" "once you're clean, you're clean" are all things I've heard been said (about other addictions, not my own, only one person irl knows) but it's not true! The longer I was clean, the longing to ...y'know....c!t was stronger and stronger
          
          And I won't go into to much detail because I don't want to trigger people possibly
          But since I'd been clean for such a long time ....the amount of....damage I did, was really extreme, more than ever before
          
          
          
          So yeah, that's how my day went! How was yours? 
          
          Sorry about that, I'm just really happy to have that off my chest

MickeyMousieClub

@LarrysWornoutCloset thank you thank you thank you
            You have no idea how much this comment means to me
            You are so right about it, people can be uneducated, and I shouldn't listen to them, never helps
            
            To your first question, I'm okay now, getting through things, as one does y'know
            
            Also, I'm really sorry, you have/had to go through this as well, it's hard 
            And I'm here for you just as much!
            
            So yeah, thank you for taking the time to reply, it means more than you'll know
• Reply

LarrysWornoutCloset

this message may be offensive 
@MickeyMousieClub First of all , how are you ? Did you clean it up properly with a disinfectant and put on a bandage or something ? Have you taken any meds to ease the pain ? if not , then please do that ?! 
            Nextly , as someone who's had a premium membership of the of this club and still sometimes spiral into it , never let convince you that it's easy to be clean or get out of it or its easier to get a hang of being clean if you're clean long enough.  
            Only this year , I had a bad episode and broke a 2.5 - 3 year streak  , compared to that you have only started and I'm glad you chose to and I am really really proud of you for putting in the hardwork that you've put in to be able to resist the urge for as long as you did.  
            It does feel bad , you'll feel completely worthless and that's okay.  Completely justified bc you know what you've had to go through and how difficult it was . 
            Lastly , People don't understand the intensity of addiction be it of any kind and the science behind it and half of the people aren't even willing to learn and unlearn their perceptions. So , don't let some uneducated opinion affect you.  Yes , Uneducated! and I'm not sorry for using the term. 
            Addiction is different for everyone and getting out of it is different for everyone. Everyone has a different threshold of tolerance and everyone has a different level of self control or the urge to get out of it and stick with it , for a lack of better word.  
            Imo , don't compare your journey to other's and please don't take anybody's opinion on this , until and unless you trust them with your whole fucking heart and you know has your best interest in their heart.  
            And if you ever need to talk to someone , just rant or even need a listener , I'm always there. <3 
            Take care and be safe. It's difficult but you'll get there , love. 
            - From someone , who's been through this and actually made it out alive. 
            It's really long , so yeah , might not even make sense .
• Reply

MickeyMousieClub

Hey y'alllllllll guess who's back!
          After secretly still reading some of the fics that have been in continuation....as in I didn't comment even tho I wanted to!
          So yeah, I've been on Wattpad maybe once every three weeks since leaving, catching up on everything 
          But tbh, I realized, I'm still struggling with my mental health regardless......sooooooo why not have fun while being depressed 
          
          But all jokes aside, I'll be okay, and I'm happy to officially say I'm back

tortured_poet06

hey queen you should read my larry fic
• Reply