Milan Dino

I think while writing the story you should you should give some more space because whenever you start writing paragraph and between the paragraph whenever you write dialogue of any character it mixes with paragraph which sometime make uneasy in recognizing weather a character is speaking or it is a part of paragraph 

I have read your story and the writing is good. The monologue do well to portray the inner feelings of the characters. However I have noticed a lack of emotional feedback mostly in chapter 1. The character speak the sentences without conveying their mental state. It is hard to tell what the character means by merely the words alone. So you should try to put more focus on displaying the character emotions. And also the description of the surrounding is lacking. Since there are no images, you need to explain the surrounding to the reader to create an image. For example you can tell how the flame estate looks like. What objects are in the room etc etc. 
          
          All the best for your future writings. Hope this helps you

♡⁠(⁠˃͈⁠ ⁠દ⁠ ⁠˂͈⁠ ⁠༶⁠ ⁠)

Brother can you please make - Tanjiro with power of six eyes . I love that story