imma be fully open w/ you here I was barely on because I tried suicide too many times to even count I came on when I had spare time for example after work after class at lunch o/ anything of that nature not only suicide but w/ doubt self-hate and feeling of rejection and I will tell you why I just recently told my mother that when I was small my brother raped me and still is now and he is saying that I am lying she doesn't know who to believe just last week Monday she called me a disappointment my friends try to get me out of my own home away from my parents my step father hates me so does my brother and I cant deal w/ it all in my head so I have to go to therapy on February 11th to explain the way I feel cause im never allowed to let my voice heard sothis is the reason why I was gone for months and if you don't believe me then I don't really know anymore
I'm gonna say something that might hurt but you know some person told me "you use me for just pleasure and don't know my age' I responded to them I couldn't respond because of my studies and rotc a military class I take and work so I end up being depressed and hurt on campus a couple of days ago and I was in my blues my rotc uniform I can't fight back in it so I was talking to a friend when a girl named yentle punched me in the gut and left a bruise on my stomach and I had to go to mediation for an issue about the same thing and I get beat by her everyday so it's hard to respond to someone while your struggling with a lot of problems and I hate to know that they think I use them when I send constant messages to make sure they are ok and I get no response from them so of course I get concerned what do you expect it's what females do saying she doesn't care that is what questions if they were really worth the wait...I might leave here anyways I can't handle anymore fucking pain and I suffer everyday