CommitTobesterBath

I think he's DEAD!

WHATS UP FUCKERS SO SCHOOL IS STARTING AND ILL HAVE A COMPUTER TO WRITE ON AND WILL BE IN A GOOD HEAD SPACE SO YEET GET READY BITCHES

I've fallen. I know it sounds like something you can say in the movies, but I've truly fallen for him. I can't stop thinking about him, and when I'm not, something reminds me of him. I only get to see him in short periods of time, and it's like nicotine. I want more, I want to just be with him in the same room and it drives me mad! I get lost in his eyes and it feels like forever when it's only been a second. I catch myself staring at him when he smiles. Cause when he smiles It's beautiful. He is Beautiful. And i see it more and more everyday.  His laugh, god, his laugh. It sounds like, like the wind. Like Rain on the window seal on a calm day. i feel like flying when he's around.  I find myself watching the clock tick just waiting till I can see him. He's the reason I get up in the mornings to go to school. He's my world, and I can't stop it. I don't want to stop it. This feeling. This is what magic is. I know that the farther i fall, the harder i'll land, but god, he's worth it.

I feel like this is just my outlet/ journal now. I always come here to voice my thoughts. ANYWAY, me and Isaiah are okay, great actually. My self-esteem is absolutely SHITE but that's normal I guess. Do you ever just sit and listen to music with no emotion per say, but just sit there. That's me right now. I should sleep, but SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK! Nah, just kidding, but I have insomnia like a mother fuvker all the time so I am always oversleeping for school cause by the tome i can fall asleep ITS 5 IN THE MORNING. Its great.. I'm fine. I think. I don't know I just feel tired both physically and mentally. so ima try to sleep a little before I have to jump off a bridge- I mean hang with the fam... hehe...ha. . . yeah. RIP WILL TO LIVE.

Sit back boys, it's another rant. So I recently told a boy, Isaiah that i like him and proposed a relationship. He was unaware that i was trans and so it came as a suprise to him that i asked to be his boyfriend. So he had questions that i then answered them. We agreed to be together once he accepted that i was a boy. Well its been about a week and we both had a concert today. Well both of us are pretty awkward, so not much has happened in the relationship. I WAS gonna change that and try to hold his hand today  but I couldn't cause i've lost my voice and i got scared so I just got angry at myself. We don't talk that much which is mostly because I don't know what to talk about and I can't really read him as a person so we just kind of siit there. He truly is a mystery to me. I can usually tell what people are thinking by their eyes and their movement. I can just read people. But Isaiah isn't like that. I never know what he's thinking and because of that I have no clue what to say because I gauge whats appropriate for a conversation based on the other person. So I kind of go mute when I'm near him, not to mention that I'm still concerened that he has so low of standards that he'd date me. But i got a text after our concert that said 'Am i supposed to be doing something in this relationship? Did I make you mad? I'm sorry if i hurt your feelings. " And i was just like "wait what I just opened my phone what happened? Im genuinely confused, where do you get the impression tat i was mad at you? If it was me then I was probably just awkward im sorry" And he didn't answer cause its like 12:00 and so now I'm like terrified that i may have fucked up the one relationship that has worked out for me. Woah... I needed to get that off my chest.

HEY BOIS!! So I know I haven't been able to update the spideypool fic but it has been quite a week. I will definitely be updating soon!

I'm fine by the way, just here to say that I have an essay due at midnight and haven't even started it. oof send help!

alright, lads. Buckle up, cause this is gonna be a big one. So I finally got over Eli, you know the hot one? Well, I said fuck it and decided to ask out someone I genuinely thought that I might have a chance with and that I might actually like because they are a good person. Are you following? Then at lunch, my friends who had dated this guy before choose the DAY OF to tell me that he's a hoe. But wait there is more. I DECIDED TO DO IT ANYWAY. So I go up to him and I say 'Hey I know we don't talk that much but would you maybe want to go to the movies with me'. Cute, right? There was a pause. A long PaUsE........ Lord help me, here cause I'm thinking 'he is gonna say no. Just do it already.' Well he didn't say no. That's not a good thing because what he said instead makes me want to throw myself in a dumpster. -_- He said after this long pause 'ima be honest with you I don't have the time with work and essay's I have to write.' BuT IIT GETS BETTER. He follows up with this! 'it's nothing personal....' BITCH IT FEELS A LITTLE PERSONAL WITH THAT HALF-ASSED EXCUSE YOU JUST TRIED TO GIVE ME!! So by this point, I'm a little-crushed cause, this is my first time going for this kind of thing instead of playing the long game and I've been rejected. So I make some 'yea its coool' comments and try to speed walk out of there. While I'm waiting on my ride and holding back tears of rejection and anger at being this hurt over it, HE COMES OUT AND TRIES TO TALK TO ME LIKE HE DIDNT JUST BLOW ME OFF..........-_______________- I'm done. Life is literally fucking with me to get a laugh... I know I should get out there and try again and get over this but like bitch fuck this I am going to roll over and be a depressed little fucking bean while wishing that I wasn't a horrible pick for a partner. A FUCKING LITERAL 'HOE' WOULDN'T TAKE MY SORRY ASS WTF HELP ME.

Okay. I got a problem Bois. Most of you know whom I'm talking about when I say this. That's right. We're talking about Eli, the most beautiful man on earth and in the galaxy. The man who didn't call me after i gave him my number. Twice. Yeah that one. Well I still think he is fucking gorgeous and want to lick icing off his body. Yup i went there cause you know what, I would DO IT.AND I DONT EVEN LIKE ICING! He's just so....so...... hot. How does a man like him exsist to haunt me. Everything i want, physically, in a man, with a personality that i could never hang out with. WHY????? Can i just like one night stand him cause oh my lord he is the hottest thing ever. you guys pob wont see this cause no one reads these but i just wanted to let you know. I still think hes hot af and would still do his bidding just to look at him. He is a god. Help.

What's up, toasters?  So I am officially back from the Christmas craze and am already starting in the next chapter of The Exception.  Hope you all had a great Christmas!