What hurts worse? Knoeing that you WERE the problem...you hurt them, broke them, without ever noticing. But you changed, killed yourself trying, beat yourself up because you weren't a bad person just someone going through some shitty spots. You break your back bending over trying to fix it. They forgive you and you get help, you get better, maybe even forgive yourself, and the second you think maybe, just maybe you are now a mediocre friend...at least not a toxic one. The second you feel like maybe you can trust them when they say they see you have fixed yourself. They leave. Not when you hurt them. Not when you were changing. But they find a new friend and they leave you once you finally become a good person. It kills you inside, shatters you because you just spent the last eternity breaking yourself down and rebuilding as a whole new person, a good person. And now they are gone...they still tell you they don't blame you, not anymore. But how could you ever believe they would forgive you? You can't even blame them for leaving because you know you were the one who broke the friendship. That it was your fault. But they left after, not right after, not during. But after you and them had begun healing, begun changing.
