Been there. Its a dark place. Sometimes I go back to visit but I keep the flashlight within reach. Sometimes its easier to talk with people not face to face so there is no judgement raping your eyes. Family is awesome but if they haven't been down the same road they can only do so much. I'm probably a hell of a lot older than you so believe me when I say something. Hahahaha. It gets easier. Take it hour by hour. Dady by day. Week by week. If you falter, reach out and start again. There is always pain in life. Always hate. You have to learn to live with it and through it. It doesn't go away overnight. But each day you fight you get stronger and have the knowledge to help someone else. Sorry for the long post.