MissJoyfulWriter

How can I forget about you? I wonder if I ever crossed your mind? For me it happens all the time.
          
          I’m not hurt, I’m just sad, where can I ever find love again? Will I ever experience it again? I’m not in a rush but sometimes you cross my mind because I didn’t ever have someone new. Yet, I bet you replace me immediately with someone better. Someone who will make you laugh and who will you call to satisfy your ego. 
          
          I wonder if you ever feel guilty about me. I wonder if you ever feel sorry. I wonder when will I find my true happiness because you are already happy. I wonder when will I have my time to be happy. I wonder when will I feel happy when you are already happy with someone else? When will I accept it and just move on?

Paano ba magmove on agad agad ;-(

10 things I hate about you Denver gago
          
          1. Ang insensitive mo na sa feelings, biruin mo nagmomove on na ko sayo eh, pero gumagawa ka ng mga bagay na nagpapabalik sakin ng mga ala-ala
          
          2. You’ll say you love me but your actions speak otherwise. Then you don’t really love me don’t you?
          
          3. You lied to me and keep lying to me. I don’t know if you make me believe on the lies that you yourself portray.
          
          4. You are keepings things from me. 
          
          5. You betrayed my trust. All I did was love you fair enough.
          
          6. Your memories of loving me keep haunting me onto my sleep. Knowing they’ll never be back at some point.
          
          7. You easily discarded me and my love for you like what we had never happened.
          
          8. After the months of breakup you’ll call me like nothing happened and just explained and justify every lies of your being.
          
          9. You say you can’t forget me too? But you are the one who left me heartbroken, and saying you can’t choose me and not having any plans for me.
          
          10. As much as I hate you, I am more hating myself to love you this much to the point that I am accepting these things that I didn’t deserve. I hate you because I still love you more than myself  and I can’t forget about you even if you hurt me like this ;-(

Bakit kaya mahal ko pa din yung gagong yun kahit ilang beses na nya akong niloko, pinaasa at iniwan? Bakit hindi ko pa din sya makalimutan? Bakit yung puso ko hindi makamove on agad? Nasaktan na nya ko eh. Hindi na nga ako yung pinili. Hindi na nga ako yung mahal. Bakit ang tigas ng ulo ko at ang lambot ng puso ko para sa kanya? :-(

Dec. 25, 2024 Yung gago kong ex nagsend ng gcash sa kin. Alam nyo kung magkano? nung una P1.00,
          kinagabihan nagsend ng P4.00 at P3.00. Napakatarantado diba? Sya yung nagtapos ng lahat lahat kasi hindi nya ko kayang piliin tapos manggugulo pa sa pasko ko ng ganon. Tinetest na naman nya ko kung tanga pa ba ako. Sana P10k yung sinend nya para mas sumaya ako. Wala, nanggagago talaga. Hindi ko naman nireplyan ng kahit ako, hindi ko binalik, sama magbayad na sya ng utang nya sakin. Nakakahiya naman sa kanya diba? Gusto ko na syang makalimutan. Puro panggagago lang naman alam non. Hindi naman yun marunong magmahal. Hindi ko pa sya kayang patawarin, habang buhay nyang pagsisisihan ang panloloko nya sakin. Hindi sya kaylanman magiging masaya sa buhay na pinili nya. Lagi nya kong maaalala kahit san man sya magpunta. Na minsan sa buhay nya meron syang genuine person na sinayang at niloko.

Oct 8, 2024
          He came back because he was guilty. Gusto nyang bumawi. With just a simple sorry and explanation of his side, my heart melt again and forgave him. I gave him a chance. Ang rupok!!! Hindi nya daw ako nakalimutan. Kaya sya bumalik. Dahil lang siguro sa guilt pero tangina, kami na naman ulit. At gulo ito, kasing gulo ng buhay at utak nya. Matagal na naman syang magreply. Siguro ito na yung huli, ambonaks ko eh. Wala eh. Mahal ko na naman eh. Hindi ko napigilan ulit yung makulit kong puso. Ayun inaway ko sya, tignan ko kung babalik pa. Pero mukhang hindi na. Sineenzoned na naman ako :( Hindi na ko nireplyan. Kapag umabot to ng 3 days, wala na siguro. Nadurog na naman ako. Sana makabangon pa ako ulit. Gusto na naman ata nya akong patayin ;(

Sep 17, 2024
          A part of me still longing for him, a part of me is still crying but I know we can’t go back. We are not meant to be together but sometimes the wound in my heart still open up and cut deep. I remember all the happy moments but followed by the thoughts of disgusts and disrespect I experience from him, all the sleepless crying nights thinking I am worthy of his love. Then everything ends up and always going to the point that I was just so pure, that I deserve better. But for him, I let myself low, I forgot to love myself more. what dilemma is this.

August 6, 2024
          It’s been 5 months since we part ways, for him, I am nothing. But for me, he was my first love, my first heartbreak, my biggest lesson. He really has impact in my life. There are times I miss him. There are times I hate him. Sometimes I am angry, sometimes I am laughing on our happy memories, thinking it was just fun and games. That he just enjoyed every bits of his life without considering other people’s feelings, basta nagagawa nya lang lahat ng gusto nya. I thought, I am okay na. Okay na din naman. Tanggap ko naman na, na hindi nya ako minahal. Ako lang yung nagmahal. Natukso lang sya. Sana pala I didn’t let him crossed the line, maybe we are just happy as friends. Sana hindi ako naging marupok baka mas naging okay pa lahat. Naging mahina din kasi ako.  Sana hindi ko na lang pinatulan yung panlalandi nya haha. Pero if ever magkita kami ulit, sana magaan na lahat, sana hindi rin sya mag-assume na hindi pa ko nakamove on haha. Well wala naman tayong choice kundi magmove forward. Tanggap ko naman na hindi kami para sa isa’t isa. Masaya na sya ngayon. And yung genuine happiness na pangarap ko, naniniwala akong mararanasan ko ulit yun, sa tamang tao, taong nilaan ni Lord para sa akin. Magbibigay si Lord ng taong magpapakita sakin ng totoong pagmamahal, kalmado at payapa. Yung hindi ko kaylangan ipaglaban kasi, effortless na para sakin sya. Sya ang lalaban para sa akin  I can’t wait for that person to come. Nawa’y dumating na sya

March 21, 2024
          
          He broke up with me. Because everything that he said and let me feel was a lie. He just used me to boost his ego and to get back at his wife’s infidelity. He chose her. He let me believe that he was brokenhearted, but he cheated with his wife also with a single mom that he truly loved because of lust. And me, he just add me to the list of his unacknowledge girls who for him is dying to have him. He let me fall in love with his lies and false love. He just use me to feed his fantasy. Worst is he gave me infection. He left me broken, wounded, unstable and sick. I wish I didn’t meet him. It was not the first love I always dream of. This first love is a nightmare I want to forget but it keeps haunting me. He really didn’t love me. He never was. He just admire my vibrance, jolliness and positive outlook in love. Now, everything is broken into pieces. I don’t know how to start living joyfully again. Everything turns gray and dark. I hope the sunshine comes ;-( Cause I can’t take the sadness anymore. He was happy now like he never broke someone’s heart, like he never did wreck
          me into thousand pieces. He just gave me a painful experience and I don’t know if I ever fall in love again. I wish I can sooner. But he let me die. He killed my innocence. He killed the light days of my life. I wish someone would save me please. Someone would let me out of this misery. I want to forget him. I wish I never met him and never meet someone like him in the future

March 15, 2023
          
          My first kiss
          
          It was quick, that I don't feel anything but it was so soft that I want him to kiss me again and he really did.
          
          We kiss again and again.
          
          It doesn't taste anything but it was soft
          so soft as marshmallows that I want him to do it again. 
          
          Then he did in the bathroom of the resto bar lights off and we shared a torrid kiss
          
          It was hot and intense that I don't know how to respond.
          
          But I like it and I want it to do it again in the future with him.