i am sorry everyone, i have been trying to find the right mood to write, i have to be in a good head space to write. so i can calmly thing of what the characters say and do and to flesh out a good story.
but for the longest time i have been suffering extreme MDD because of my family. remember in my BNA story how i joked about my family fighting as i was writing the chapter well it wasn't a joke and its only gotten worse. i feel uncomfortable writing when my younger brothers are nearby as they never bud out of my business. ill give a detailed list later but mainly my family doesn't support what I enjoy or what I say, they never comfort me when i need them
whenever i start acting out and try talking about my feeling the first thing they ask is if i took my meds. my meds don't stop my feeling or repress them, they only make me quiet and calm. they never once tried to talk to me and only brush off the things I say.
I get easily annoyed by brothers and that fine. but they only do it when im around and look me dead in the eyes. worse they get mad when i react and ask them to stop. and my family knows this, but they keep dragging me into gathering with them out of guilt.
and they laugh and mock my taste in shows, movies, music, my hobbies to the point where i hide it all and become this null emotionless shell.
even therapist have told me im not a freak or anything because of the things i like. im not a freak PERIOD! i think im developing some kind of mental disorder. going to talk to a doctor about it soon.
again im very sorry i keep delaying the books as i know how much you love them. and im proud of my work and want to make yall happy.
im not leaving Wattpad i just need mental care. I hope to put a chapter out soon...be save and Happy Halloween!