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In Group, Casper doesn’t like us to say cut or cutting or burn or stab. She
says it doesn’t matter what you do or how you do it: it’s all the same. You
could drink, slice, do meth, snort coke, burn, cut, stab, slash, rip out your
eyelashes, or fuck till you bleed and it’s all the same thing: self-harm. She
says: whether someone has hurt you or made you feel bad or unworthy or
unclean, rather than taking the rational step of realizing that person is an
asshole or a psycho and should be shot or strung up and you should stay the
fuck away from them, instead we internalize our abuse and begin to blame
and punish ourselves and weirdly, once you start cutting or burning or
fucking because you feel so shitty and unworthy, your body starts to release
this neat-feeling shit called endorphins and you feel so fucking high the
world is like cotton candy at the best and most colorful state fair in the
world, only bloody and stuffed with infection. But the fucked-up part is once
you start self-harming, you can never not be a creepy freak, because your
whole body is now a scarred and charred battlefield and nobody likes that
on a girl, nobody will love that, and so all of us, every one, is screwed,
inside and out. Wash, rinse, fucking repeat.
Idk why but this really hits also this is from the book: Girls in pieces.
Really nice book
