Ever had that feeling of unworthiness, of ugliness, or down right feeling inferior to your own demons? Ever felt like no matter how hard you try to fight back they only seem to get stronger, with ever ounce of energy that you exert only seems to intensify your demons leaving you weak and at their mercy? That is exactly how I feel right now. I feel like my writing is crap, my thoughts are so not worth that penny. I feel an ache in my heart that burns it black, I feel a heaviness in my soul that drags me down, I feel a dread within my bones that seems to tear me down. And yet no one seems to notice, my family ONLY sees what they want to see, my fake smiles, my fake laughter, and my fake happiness. They don't believe in my writing and sadly I'm starting to believe them.There's nothing out there for me, I've lost hope in humanity, I've lost myself searching for love, I've come to the conclusion that love doesn't exist for me. I'll always be the rag doll that gets passed around that no one wants, and sadder my family doesn't see my pain. They don't want to see it they'd rather pretend I'm a happy outgoing girl than a depressed isolated lonely person who deals with psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, and medications to numb herself enough to be able to pretend. I AM A VICTIM OF SEXUAL ABUSE. i SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, PTSD (POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER), MOOD SWINGS, AND EARLY STAGE PSYCHOSIS. I USED TO CUT TO FEEL SOME KIND OF FEELING BUT I'VE BEEN CLEAN FOR 3 YEARS. I HAVE BEEN A VICTIM OF MYSELF, OTHERS, AND MY DEMONS, BUT ITS ABOUT TIME I FIGHT BACK HARDER WITH DETERMINATION AND I WILL BE A VICTIM NO LONGER. I WILL BE MY OWN HERO.
~A Lonely Girl Reaching Out Into The Darkness