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A short, bus-written story I call ‘I Wish I Had The Confidence’. Why am I posting this? Damn I wish I knew...
I’m quiet and reserved. I’m just putting that out there. Blatant and obvious. The hard truth.
But fuck I wish I had the confidence other people have. I want to be able to see a shut door with people in the room, and be able to walk in; I want to be able to not feel nervous sitting next to a stranger on the bus; I wish I had the confidence to talk to people.
This morning, I saw a girl get off the bus, a few stops before mine. As she did, I saw her face, and my mind instantly went ‘she’s pretty’. This afternoon, I saw the same girl get onto my bus. She is pretty. Dark skin and hair, hair of which is curly but cut close to her skull. I can’t remember her outfit or any part of her face, I just know that she’s pretty.
I want her name. I want to talk. I might want her social media, or her number, or some way to keep in touch with her... I also want the confidence to ask for all that. She’s somewhere behind me right now, but I don’t know how far and I don’t want to look crazy looking back. So I won’t. I desperately want to. My heart tells me do it but my anxiety says don’t.
I doubt I’ll see her again. What are the chances any way? She doesn’t go to my university. I don’t know where she comes from or where she’s going, she’s as mysterious as that Cotton-Eyed Joe. I want to talk to her. I want to see her. I’m crazy. I don’t even know her.
I may cry, but I don’t know why.