Sometimes... it's hard.
When you want to get back that feelings... that kind of happiness...
When you try your best, but nothing works.
When you fight against yourself to get those contacts with some people - who might already have forgotten you - back, but then your energy is over and you're just like... you just can't carry this anymore. This feeling of loosing them, even if you could chase them again. And it's just because of you, your own mind, your own goals, your own mistakes.
They don't know how you want to talk and laugh with them again and how important it is to you.
You feel like they ignore you because your saying sorry is always the same: "I'm sorry... I don't feel well today. Tomorrow, sure." But that "tomorrow" is never there.
You never have the energy to do that again.
Because when you have, you feel ignored, like just some recognize your comeback and your old friends don't write you back.
I tried so many times and I won't give up until the last glimmer of my power is gone. But the hope is not with me, it's away for a long time now.
And I know that I won't try again if I fail many more times.
Why can't it be as easy as it was back then...