Okay, I am finally starting to feel better.
I don't normally talk about my private life online. I'm anxious and shy bean, but I want to explain a few things.
So, recently, I've been working three jobs. Being an author is my main job, but I'm still new in the industry and money isn't great in general, so I've been tutoring Korean and also working as a part-time teacher to teach little kids how to read and basic math. I was told by my doctors to be careful, as I have a lot of health issues that previously had me in a wheelchair until recently. I've been traveling for author conferences and working hard, and that caught up with me and my body. In turn, it tanked my mental health. Writing became harder because my body was in pain, I was tired, and I felt like I was failing at everything I was working so hard to do. In the end, it caught up to me. I ended up quitting the part-time teacher job and then my mother got sick with covid, then I caught covid, and healing took forever.
What I am trying to say is... I'm not gone. I haven't forgotten. I just need to reorient myself and remember why I do this.
Sometimes, I get so caught up in my head thinking I am supposed to do all of these things. I'm young, right? I'm not supposed to have a broken body and a fractured mind. I don't want to be back in that wheelchair or stuck in that hospital bed, trapped. So I push myself and push myself. So I'm not any of those things even though it's going to put me there.
I work so hard all the time, but it never feels like enough.
That being said, if any of you feel the same way, take my advice and slow down. Don't break yourself trying to be something that you feel you have to be. It won't work and it isn't worth it. You're exactly who you need to be at the time.
And yes. I will try to follow my own advice.
You guys are amazing. The sun to my moon. And I appreciate everything you do for me and your patience.
