Pan with Plan

I'm going on a book purge-
          
          I'm getting rid of my old books

-New Book loading in-

I just got reminded today of one of the reason I want move out of American-
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          The 2+2=4 is white supremacy thing.
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          For those who don't know, saying 2+2=4 is an example of covert white supremacy, according to a group of influential math teachers in Ontario. Questioning them on their assertion simply means you are an anti-trans, anti-immigrant person who doesn’t like anyone who isn’t white.
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          I'm sorry?! What the actual f*** man?! How does 2+2=4 equals white supremacy?! That makes zero sense logically! This makes my brain hurt just thinking about it! How can people be so idiotic to think about saying this! I'm done, I want to live in Canada!

I'm sorry if i make any typos, crying when I wrote this
          I'm right now having a break down as i realized how absolutely lonely I feel. I'm normally home alone, my only real friends works pretty much all day so I'm left with cats who ignore me. I have no one and I'm starting to feel so upset about it. I can't tell anyone because then I'm going to seem needy or i could make the people i love feel bad

⚠️TW: talk of death, rape, abuse, suicide, discrimination⚠️
          I realized something that made me break down in tears three times today. I thought as a weird kind of vent i should share this realization i had.
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          I, a 16 year old Pansexual Polyamorous Non-binary AFAB White person, live in a world that will set me up for failure. I live in a world that was made for one type of people, Cis Het White Men. I live in a world where suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 15 to 24 year old Americans. I live in a world where parts of me are illegal. I live in a world where AFAB are told what to do with their bodies and how they should look. I live in a world that is threatening to away or has stripped away my rights and the rights of other people that are parts of minorities. I live in a world that doesn't really care about the safety of children. I live in a world that tells people to just ignore bullies knowing that ignore something won't help. I live in a world where you are not safe from bullying even at home. I live in a world where innocent people are framed for crimes they didn't commit. I live in a world where innocent people die because of discrimination. I live in a world where some parents and families so broken that children are being abused, neglected, raped, killed, and are depressed. We live in this world and i don't think no matter how hard we try to fix it, it's not going to change because of how things are now.

Welp I've finally proved how fuckin fat i am...
          We have to get uniforms for my culinary class and so far none of the  large pants I've tried on fit. I've tried on 3Xs and none fit...
          I want to just curl up and die...

So small update:
          
          I've told my 4th hour teacher about it (aka my favorite teacher) and she's a little shocked about the situation. I started to cry and she let me go outside to cry so I'm now crying in the hall...

I found out about something today during lunch...
          
          So yesterday my friend, DJ, gave me and my other friend, Nova, rainbow flags bc it's almost pride month and we're all gay. Now i had it out during passing time between 4th and 5th hour and the beginning of 5th hour. Apparently a teacher, don't know who, saw me with the flag and said "I'm going to stand over here with the normal kids." 
          
          Now that maybe out of context but that what I heard and this is how i see it. This teacher after seeing me with the flag saw me as not normal and behind my back alienate me as not normal because of the flag. That hurt me to hear that because I seriously struggle with fitting in and my confidence. I actually want to cry rn but I can't because I'm in school and don't want to be a cry baby

It's official, I'm 16

Okay so my school's bright futures gave me a b-day gift (even though I'm not in bright futures), this is what i got:
          •Watercolors 
          •a comic making book
          •paper for the Watercolors 
          •an 11" x 14" sketchbook 
          •Glue
          •a single black crayon
          •Black markers 
          •2 moldable erasers
          •Mechanical pencils
          
          I love this so much. I'm gonna be doing amazing things with this gift