MxriiLuvss

i literally am all set for no internet for 5 days

MxriiLuvss

this message may be offensive 
i just wanna rant to someone and meet more people and get really close connections rn but im so bad at it, like every single place i am in im getting ghosted kinda getting sick of it. not to mention because im bad at socializing i create drama which is un needed. like if i say i dont have anything against her i js dont like her that much its totally taken out of context. so i thought im just gonna rant here, ic if no one sees it i just rly need to get this off my chest but idk who to and even if there is someone i dont know how to express it in words and its so frustrating. i just wanna delete my life and restart. cuz right now life is being a dick and ik it will always forever be a dick. im starting to get so fucking sick off school cuz its so stressful exam period and shit. not to mention i wanna move to a school that is gonna take alot of effort, a thing that i wanna do is science, and i really love science i really do, but im getting disencouraged by everyone saying, youre not gonna archieve that, literally by all my friends, i dont even wanna call them friends cuz i might be close with them but thats how it seems its not real. i have not have an actual best friend ever and i fucking hate it i just want a best friend, or someone who wont make fun of me all the time cuz im literally too fucking sensitive. the people ik rn are just acquaintances. cant seem to find comfort in anything rn. drawing? too much effort for something that looks like dogshit and not to mention people constantly wanna go through my sketch book and i cant risk it. dont get me wrong i kinda find comfort in my fav idols but i feel like im obsessing tm and i would be judged so fucking hard just cuz i find a little bit of comfort in "some asian men" . music helps quite a bit but i just dont know whats happening. i wanna find comfort in reading, ESPECIALLY on this app, im so fr rn. but im not finding many comfort books anymore so i have to keep rereading old comfort books and they kinda get old -

Mxrii_Luvs

@lickinghoshisballs gotta love this, im replying to myself hahah
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MxriiLuvss

- but just not that much. im so glad schools ending but i dont wanna be stuck for two whole months with my thoughts and feelings. not to mention exams. im dreading exam week so hard. so stressful for what.
            
            anyways thank you to reading my rant if u did, if you didnt i understand cuz i wouldnt either tbh. i just had to dump all these things somewhere. again thank you :)
            
            -mari
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MxriiLuvss

this message may be offensive 
- and i just misunderstand it. i told myself its fake cause ik its fake. like why in the hell would he like me? thats like the stupidest thing ive ever heard, someone actually having a crush on me.somehow people manage to think i like him. all im thinking of is why tf are u acting like this. i look like a fucking fool. also one oter thing i hate is being identified as the 'weird friend' but in a bad way. i dont wanna be weird. i really really dont. i wanna be normal. i promise im a nice person i really am. im not weird i am not weird but somehow its always thought off that im weird. i say one thing and veryone is quiet. was it that weird? i think not. i really want a nice irl friendship. and a bf tbh. i want someone to hold me, say nice things to me. someone i can laugh or cry with. someone who can comfort me or who i can comfort. i wanna do all the cheesy stuff. i wanna get flowers, go to the movies or just cuddle at home watching something fun. go to the arcade and play games. but i cant. it will be looked down upon. im only 14. and my parents would never approve. and like where tf will u find a guy thats nice, respectful, funny and caring? and i def aint getting no one lookin like how i look. im ugly as hell. legs way too long for body. arms to short for body. very tiny head. long torso. very skinny but gaining weight too. i see myself skinny, like very skinny. but i actually totally freak out if i gain a little weight. i dont eat, for days after days after days. im know as the girl who doesnt eat anything. yeah. ED go brr. and i cant really tell many people about it cuz i really do not trust people with that side of me. i trusted someone ik irl once. ONCE. one argument and all that selfharm was spilled on a table. "if you're so confident why do u cut yourself??" if i deny it its like 'im seeking attention' im not. i just dont want THE WHOLE FUCKING SCHOOL to know i did that. i trusted you. i really liked you, but now its just kinda leaving me. i still like u -
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