Kill-joy7

I had a dream about you again, I'm not sure why they still happen. I wonder if I still show up in yours. I don't want to be alone with this curse.

MyraKat354

@Your-Speaker never, i told you, somehow im will always be there
• Reply

Kill-joy7

@MyraKat354 I can explain more on discord, just don't be mad at me please
• Reply

Kill-joy7

@MyraKat354 I just need someone to love me and hold me when the pain struck. I needed someone for my desires and this was the only person. At first it was fine but I lost all my motivations and we can barely stand each other some days. The issue is that she's heavily attached, she doesn't have anyone that won't hurt her and use her. I was just someone who has the patience not to hurt her. Even when I was raging I couldn't hurt you, I held back so much because I didn't want to accidentally hurt you. 
            I love her but I don't see a life with her forever at the moment, even trying to say that to her will break her apart and I'm scared of what she'd do to herself
• Reply

Kill-joy7

I try to understand you, I get to the point of being to intoxicated regret ever doing so. I can't feel myself ever being happy with my body struggling to expell this toxicity. This isn't the way I want tk live, being so engrossed jn this that I can't even recollect my thoughts 
          Whyd you do it, how could you feel good even after throwing up such disguist. 
          
          I just could never see my life like this

Kill-joy7

Everytime I think about you, is like a forced lobotomy to the brain, I feel the poison burn my heart.
          
          I had a dream again, about you, every single time I can't make sense of it. You just wanted to see me in thus dream yet I avoided you every time. I could barely Eben look at you. 
          
          You don't look like how you are now, you looked like a memory. Somehow j remember every feature of you. 
          
          Even after the pain, any time I saw you I wanted to reach out and hold you. No matter the consequences I just wanted to feel you in my arms, I wanted to call you my love and my sweetest. I waned to love you again.
          
          Now, I'm not sure how I feel. I do sometimes and sometimes I can even look at you in the eyes. 
          I couldn't imagine you the same, I know that in my dream you aren't the one from my dreams

Kill-joy7

If you can't, that's okay. I didn't want to say those cruel things to you. I said it out of anger and fear. 
          
          But your life might already be getting better without me. Maybe you have the dog and family you've always wanted. I'm proud of you for being able to live, even if it wasn't for me.
          
          
          I don't think I'll be able to be happy, or get the dreams I wanted. You were my last dream. I don't think I can dream anymore or see a future for myself. Anytime I try to strive for a life I want, I end up in a place where I can't be alive. 
          
          I just want to live life.

Kill-joy7

I need you. 
          
          I'm not able to contact you directly because I can't let her find out. I'm scared of what she might do if I go. I'm trapped and I need your help.
          
          You are the greatest friend I could have ever had in my entire life. I'm not happy, I can't be myself anymore and I'm loosing hope to live. I'm nothing but something to be controlled. 
          
          Please help me Myka, I love you. 
          I don't want to forget you.