N1k1_343

Great welcoming for this next week this day has been
          My older cousin shoved photos and videos in my face of his gf doing nasty things to herself saying I must like it because I'm a lesbian. 
          I DO NOT want to see that after I just had a great convo with my grandpapa while driving. I DONT EVER WANT TO SEE THAT ACTUALLY!
          I am not even a lesbian for second. I can date a person who occasionally appears fem and not be a lesbian. 
          I also think importantly, YOU SHOULD NOT ANYONE PRIVATE PHOTOS LIKE THAT EVER!? LIKE HELLO
          And he kept bragging about it also and even tried to call the girl to get her do it for me live while I was saying LOUDLY that I didn't want to see that while he constantly shoved it down my fucking throat.
          I literally vomited over the side of the car into the dirt (we were in the inside of a bed driving on a dirt road while he showed me that). 
          I told my Aunt about it after, she told me he is meant to apologize but he had yet to call me or text me, I'll see if he apologizes the next time I see him or not. The part I am scared about the most is him telling my family that I am pan due to having a lot of homophobic family members. Imma try and get on Minecraft to calm myself.

Still blushing from today
          My friends were walking around the school and this girl I randomly talked to the other day waved at me and referred to me as the pretty girl she met. 
          She even did it when she saw me randomly at the end of the day, she told me "hi pretty girl"
          She was so pretty also, not a crush or anything. I just get very easily flustered from random compliments like that from strangers

Maybe a petty small thing but it's something I can't help still think about as I lie in bed tonight. 
          Those 'friends' will talk to me and call me the names they called me while we were close yet the refuse to sit with me. We carry out things together like we used to when we do ever talk or be near each other; 'Niyah and Spencer steal food from my lunch knowing I feel guilty when I can only finish half of the meal, 'Niyah still calls me the nicknames she made, Mali still hugs me on the days when Mickey doesn't show and I can't get a word out, and Lewy still gives me the sass he is too scared to show others. Yet they still go out of their way to act like I'm not there or to not sit near me. 
          Its weird seeing Mickey show up to their lunch tables and say the same things I would get scolded for just because they think he's cool. He can make the silly internet trending jokes that I can't because it sounds right and funny with his western tongue. Not mine because it's too high and feminine even during allergy season for them. I don't want it to be there.
          It's weird seeing how they demand so much of me and yet seem to care more than they did before.
          Vinnie says to not go through it again; they call what they did neglect. Them neglecting my feelings on subjects. Them neglecting to even read what I post. Them neglecting to even talk to me. I see it because the way how they talk to me now is the way how they would talk to me online.
          It's weird to see them talk to people they told me they don't like. The person who tried to convince Mali to say a slur because 'It's not the n-word. It's not that bad' while in next breath saying the f-slur to our faces and talking about it's funny when others say it. It's weird seeing Mali and Spencer laugh with her.
          It's weird hearing their loud conversations and not joining in. 
          But I know it's for the best.

New work, it's basically what im posting on A03 but here. Enjoyyyyy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/91242646/chapters/242801676
          
          One of my works on A03, don't worry I will work on my two other fics here, but I am very much run by what I feel like doing and a murder mystery is what I want. Also, I wanted Sam to die, and I couldn't do it in my Grian? rewrite because that is a LARGE change to the plot. 
          
          There will be a lot more mention of a LOT of different Minecraft servers and characters in this

honestly, using this more of so a personal diary bc who is really going to see this and care with everyone moving to A03. 
          I had a panic attack today; an old friend is spreading rumors to people who still even talk to me that I said unsavory words (slurs) while mimicking my brother who edges the n-word. Thankfully, the person who came to me about this believed me whole heartly and didn't really believe the other person. Honestly, starting to think the things the old friend told me are just straight lies because I would never do the stuff, she is saying I do. I literally have to force myself to say slurs I can say and even then, I prefer to just sum what who the slur is word for and just say "*insert one-two word summary*-slur" or just "*starting letter*-slur. Like, I have ofc said the f-slur before, but that's when I told someone to not say it because they aren't LGBTQ+ and I am. 
          Also, it's so weird that she is mad at me for doing something I never did but turning around and being so close to my twin-brother who I was supposedly mimicking like he hasn't said the full slurs he can't say. 
          She likes to say it's why she kicked me out of a gc but she wasn't even the person who did. 
          Thankfully, the friend who messaged me about this called me and helped calm me down and we stayed on call for as long as we could.
          
          On the bright side, I started my college courses today for forensics and it seems nice so far. My heart rate is still a bit above average right now, but I think it's normal.

I HAVE A A03 ACCOUNT WHERE I WILL START TO POST MORE! I'm sorry, but this the pipeline. If I'm going to be honest, I have been cheating on Wattpad with A03 for a while, preferring to read it over Wattpad. That being said, I will try and keep this page updates. If you wanna find me, I am "404_3rrorC0d3". Yes, very weird and different, but it kinda aligns with me OG name on socials which used to just be Lolbit with random numbers

Help, remember those people who I talked about before. Those people who would be rude. Yeah, well, guess who I figured out would be in my classes all because we all take advanced math. I am in the homeroom of my least favorite teacher because all she does is overwork students and the only person in that class who I am excited to see is one of my two besties. We are trying to convince the other to swap to our homeroom because he hates being alone and it's easier for him to swap instead of us two (especially me because I can't swap because of how my stupid school has only one math 4 class which I take this year)

Trying to release chapter 2 of the Grian? rewrite P2 "Admins Meeting" before school starts but I am having a MAJOR pain flare up in my left shoulder. I mean beyond 'it hurts to move', I mean, it just hurts regardless. This isn't some big worry, it's normal for me to get these major pain flare ups (Idk why though) but it's normally in my leg.
          This all to say, there might be an earlier delay in chapter releases than I wanted to because I am not even halfway done with chapter 2 and if this pain continues to be this bad, well then, I predict no new chapter until like late next week. I am really sorry

FINALLY! Part 2 of the Grian? rewrite is out! PLEASE check it out under the title, "Admin's meeting"