FireFaithe Pikamon

Uhh, looking forward... okay, unlike I thought, that conversation and Aizawa's report is in the same chapter.... Umm... yeah, no crazy cliffhangers coming up, so actually, I'll just be posting whenever I finish revising them... (as opposed to IHP currently, where I split a chapter into 3 and want to post the arc at the same time).
            
            If you're curious about where I am with IHP, I think I'm about halfway through the arc. ... Though, I think the last two chapters are way longer than the first two.... Whelp.
            Here, lemme check.... Ch 5 was the last posted chapter?? Okay, yeah, probably about halfway through lol.
            Ch 6-8.5, 8+14+8+6... 36 pages...
            Holy frig, Ch 9 alone is 38 pages.... Nvm. I'm 1/3 of the way through.
            Ch 10 is 26 pages.
            Translation: I have 36 pages (including author's notes and whatever else I put in there--) ready for posting (assuming it's all coherent / I don't make any more changes), and 38+26... 64 pages left in the arc. Holy cow, that's a lot. Whelp, I'll be taking it one scene at a time....

Also, Apr 6 is the day I decided Ch... 16 was ready for posting. If you were curious because "the other day" kinda means nothing when you have a memory as poor as mine lol--

Ch 16, that's what chapter it is on Ao3.

...
            
            TL;DR:
            If you have a story of mine that you really care about, I suggest you download it as soon as you get the chance. If you're struggling to find it, lmk, and I can send you the link.
            I need to focus on my guilt issues and accepting God's love before I can face my sin, so I will be slower to officially abandon my fics, and I'm not abandoning most of my MHA fics any time soon.

... "yesterday" is now multiple days ago, but--

Alright, now that that's cleared up, I realized yesterday that I'm not ready to face God's Law. I've been trying to work on all the stages of Christianity at once, and it just doesn't work.
            The first step of becoming a Christian should be accepting His Love and sacrifice. That should be my priority. I need to deal with my guilt issues before I ever try to improve my sins, because my guilt issues keep me from God every time. I could go on about where I'm at, and I probably will in a comment or one of my reflection books, but that's not what this announcement is for.
            
            Ultimately, the effect this has on my fics on Ao3 is that I will be much slower to officially abandon my fics. I told you last time that I'm abandoning all of the fandoms except AoT, TG, and MHA. You can consider my AoT and TG fics abandoned still, but I'm nowhere near ready to let go of most of my MHA fics. (The exceptions being the wacky VatNH and probably The Dangers of Magic---)
            Being able to let go of these fics takes time. Time for me to separate myself. And BKDK... I've always said it's literally the best ship ever. Perfect. Everything you could ever want in a ship. So it's going to take a lot of effort and time for me to face that one, and it will be after I start Phase 3 of Becoming a Christian: Learn and Repent.
            That is to say, I won't be abandoning most of my MHA fics any time soon. While I have been in a slump lately and whatnot, I am still working on IHP, M?MLPM, and MSiMS. (Both M?MLPM and MSiMS have chapters finished but not ready for publishing in the Google Folders, if you're interested. If you could help me revise those enough to be ready for publishing, I'd really appreciate it.)
            
            Uhh... I could've sworn I had something else I wanted to say related to me focusing on God's love instead of taking it all on at once, but... maybe that's b/c I kinda combined MHA and my other fics...? Well, I can always make another post later just like I did here, ig....

I will probably be deleting certain fics as well, but I will give a warning before I do so, and at this time, I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to do that.

Ultimately, there are two reasons I’m doing this.
            
            It’s not fair to you that I keep clinging to never abandoning a fic – but never giving you anything to show for it, and I need to face the fact that I won’t be returning to these fics.
            
            I want to change my writing to promote what’s best. What we *should* be doing.
            Some of you may think this is stupid, etc., but for all the enjoyment I have gotten out of writing and reading fanfiction, God brings permanent peace and joy that is not reliant on what I do, and His unconditional, perfect love is far greater than any of my ships.
            I highly encourage you to read what I have to say on that topic, but I'll summarize it here.
            
            You know how AWESOME and UNIQUE BKDK and our other ships are? How intense and beautiful their love is?
            God's Love is even greater. It is constant, never wavering, and perfect. So much so that we can't even imagine– All He wants in return is for you to accept Him. To do your best to develop your relationship with Him and foster His relationships with others.
            
            If you love Him in your heart and put Him above all else, you will be reborn into an ideal world filled with love, joy, and peace. There will be nothing negative there.
            However, if you reject Him, you will be cursed to a dark world without positivity, love, or joy. Some of you may think this is harsh and doomsday-ish, and believe me, this truth pains me as well. I don’t want to believe that many people will be in pain for eternity, but the truth is that a world without God – the world that people embrace by rejecting Him – is a world without light and everything good.
            This is a matter of life and death.
            
            So please, accept His Love. Develop a relationship with Him. Just reach out, and I promise you, He will take your hand.
            Thank you for reading this, and I hope this reaches your heart.

I notified my followers, right???

Here is Part 1, gathering opinions on favorites/least favorites, as well as some questions on your experience in viewing the opening and ending songs: https://forms.gle/gpPn6yY82XWmqMjE7
            
            Part 2: Each opening has its own section, and each opening has the same questions: overall ranking, why you like/dislike it, and component rankings. Here's the link: https://forms.gle/quTwc7oSd2pcS2wu8
            
            Part 3: Each ending has its own section, and each ending has the same questions: overall ranking, why you like/dislike it, and component rankings. Here's the link: https://forms.gle/jdqe1ecDXTNVQ6Ru8

Oh but if someone wants to beta read my unposted chapters and tell me what seems too repetitive, respond to my comments trying to find words, etc., that would be appreciated, as it would streamline my process. Revising takes a lot of processing and overanalyzing on my end, so I require a fully functioning brain and/or a frig ton of revision sessions.... And because of my many conditions, fully functioning is a rare occurrence  And I've been using those more for IHP (which I have to reread thoroughly myself) & stuff....

I'm chaotic, my peeps; I'm sorry---

And I lied about wrapping this fic up soon.... I thought I could just write an epilogue after Convincing and COMPLETELY forgot about the arcs I kinda started (Consent + Heat, and then the arc that the "epilogue" started--)

I'm calm now. Depression hit out of nowhere as usual; apologies for the depressing post.

"I do my best, and that's worked out well for me so far." Yeah, right. It worked in school. But it doesn't work in real life. Employers don't want hard workers; they want lazy ones that just get stuff done with no care about quality. They don't want me.... I'm not made for this world.... I don't fit in, and I never will....

I'm never going to improve, am I...? I'm not ever going to be able to communicate properly. I'm not ever going to be capable of self-discipline. I'm never going to be able to f-ing keep my mouth shut. ...
            
            And here we are again.... In the pit of depression.... Hating myself. Wanting it all to just *END*.
            
            This is why kids these days are so messed up. It's a frigging lion's den online. You can go in not giving a frig, and you'll come out mauled.
            
            I just... I want a better world.... I want to help these people stop being so judgmental, assuming the worst, etc.. I guess I want everyone else to become like little me, because apparently, I can't change myself. I can't turn myself back into the optimistic, cheerful girl I thought I used to be.
            But was I really ever that way in the first place...? I don't f-ing know who I am anymore. I don't know what to do. I have all these ambitions, all these aspirations, yet I can't f-ing do anything with them. And I'm so done. I wanna give up already.
            ... Fighting multiple opponents every day indeed.... It's no wonder I f-ing fail at life. How did I ever function...? How did I function at school...? How did I *thrive* there...?
            I wanna go back.... I wanna just have fun, learn, and do whatever the frig I want. I want a set day, where I just do my best for 8 hours, and then I go home and relax.
            
            Why can't I function...?
            
            I do the math; I plan out the days; it all makes sense. It's easy. It should be easy.
            But then I can't f-ing do it. I can't execute it.
            Somehow, the plan and the actual day doesn't match up. Even when I give myself wiggle room, the day just... wastes away.... Before you know it, it's already afternoon, and you've done practically nothing.
            
            How do I function...?