NATSUMESPOLKAGIRL

I... I did it....  I really finished a fic--- An actual, non-smut, non-oneshot, fic.

"If you have written a 40k+ fic, you have literally written a novel."
          Me one day while rereading that: Hmn, you know what? I wonder how I stack up to that. Oh, right, Ao3 gives current word counts. (checks 'em) Whoa, what, M?MLPM is already over 80k?!!
          
          Me later, looking over M?MLPM: Oh, right, I don't even have most of it on Ao3, geez....
          
          Me even later, rechecking my Ao3 word count: Wait, that includes my Explanation, which must be way too many words.
          
          Later, while thinking about adding word counts to those "chapters": And my author's notes... Okay, yeah, Ao3's word count doesn't say much for my fics....

Me: Y'know what? I wonder how many words a chapter usually has. (Looks it up)
          Me: ... (looks at the answer, and my chapters, and back again) Wat.
          
          The Avg Word Count per Ch: 2,000-4,000
          The word count of the chapters in an original novel that I honestly thought were too short: 2,429. 8,727. (though granted, I did add a whole nother scene to the latter--)
          Random Chapters from M?MLPM: 1,172. 525. 4,597. 6,834.
          
          Okay, actually, looking at my fics, they do tend to gravitate around 3,000-4,000. On the high side, but my idea of a good ch length isn't too farfetched.... Would be a good idea to keep this in mind in the future though.... ... Though, that would make my fics so long if I were to just split them like I normally do....
          
          Honestly, the fact that M?MLPM has already reached novel word count is crazy to me. Like, we've barely even gotten started--- Maybe I should be doing clearer arcs after all....  Make them into books.... M?MLPM could do that pretty well, I think. But IHP... it starts a plot in the very beginning that won't get resolved for a very long time....
          
          Resolutions are my weakness, but I guess I've already kind of been doing it.... I'd just need to refine it. (Mutters to self)

Me: Okay, I just need to stop writing yaoi and smut. No more excuses.
          Me later: Okay, this is not working. I need to focus on love first; then I can address my sin. I'll talk to God regularly. Listen to my fav Christian songs more often. Deal with my guilt issues. Try to wrap my head around the fact that He will forgive me no matter what. Build that love inside of me until it chases the sin and darkness out.
          Me later: (avoiding God because I feel guilty and don't want to face my sin or repent) Oookay, this isn't working either, I guess.... Let's break this into smaller chunks then.... God's love. God's unconditional love for me. I don't need to feel guilty, because God loves me.
          
          (I'm kinda wondering if maybe I should get a religious therapist or something.... I'm trying to work on speaking up for myself in my current therapy appts though, so hopefully..., once I get my guilt issues taken care of, I'll be better able to navigate this stuff.... I might also talk to my pastor before I look into Christian-based therapy....)

Hello again, everyone. 2 things today.
          
          First, I will be posting any announcements on Reddit from now on. I'll be cross-posting 'em for now. Not sure if anyone's even on here anymore, but...
          It's the same username as always, but here's the link to my profile: https://www.reddit.com/user/FireFaithe/
          
          Second, I recently published a short story collection called Ningen no Ningyou (Human Dolls). It's about a human being turned into a doll, and the base version is 2,098 words. It has 5 alternative versions/endings (including one cute/funny and one "justice prevails" ending for the softies like myself), and it's $2.99 (or free if you have Kindle Unlimited), but it is pretty different from my fanbase here. It has BG aspects of (het) romance, but it's more just a supernatural story. Still got my chaotic flair/writing style tho.
          If you're interested, you can check it out (and buy it) here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GWSJ56W7
          It seems that you can't buy it on the Amazon app, but you shouldn't have any issues reading it on desktop or read.amazon.com. Lmk if you have any questions, concerns, or problems.
          I will be trying to publish short stories/collections regularly from now on, and hopefully, that'll help me rediscover my groove, too.... It helps me practice revising and figuring out what works for me.
          Thank you for your patience, and all of your support!! Again, I'm so sorry it's taking me so long to get back on my feet.

Hi, everyone; it's been a long time since I've had a real update for you, and I'm sorry about that, but I finally revised M?MLPM Ch... whatever chapter it was, the other day, and tonight, I posted it.
          I also did write and post a Monoma x Aoyama oneshot (also Demondom AU, BG DynaDeku) in... February, apparently, if you're interested in that.
          I'm still kinda struggling with my wording - ... I wonder if there's something wrong with me, and that's why.... Because I have been getting back into writing, yet I'm still... It's like I've developed dyslexia or something.... Idfk.... Ugh, whatever.
          Umm... yeah, my brain's just not working right now; sorry. Hopefully, that's all I wanted to say....

CRUCIAL NOTICE ABOUT ABANDONING & DELETING FICS Part 2
          
          First of all, I realized that while I mentioned deleting my fics in the last post, I really didn't say anything more about it---
          So, I will be deleting most of my current fics eventually. But I am nowhere near ready for that, so you have some time. I will be notifying you before I delete any, but if there's a story of mine that you really care about, I suggest you download it as soon as you get the chance.
          None of my fics have been deleted at this time!!! If you're struggling to find a fic, just let me know, and I can help you find it. (I did make some of my fics no longer associated with my Ao3 account, but I can still easily find most of those, and for the ones that I orphaned before I knew about the anonymous feature, I can still help because I know what those were.)

When I realize that I should be doing the HW I'm making Izuku do in M?MLPM: (surprised Pikachu)

CRUCIAL NOTICE ABOUT ABANDONING & DELETING FICS (Please read this announcement in full at the very least. This is an overview of the document linked below (i.e. the minimum you need to know).)
          
          The full announcement/Full details are available here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10Yn8sfXGn9TsfG6614i9IAN8jSPEqmE40Sl7X7tx5qw/edit?usp=sharing
          The "Fanfics I'm Leaving Open" and "Fanfics I'm Dropping" tabs are in-progress at this time, but please read the rest in full.
          
          I will be abandoning most of my fics.
          Yes, this does include older fics such as my GA fics, as well as more recent fics such as my TG ones.
          I will be selecting a few that I will leave open, but you should probably consider those abandoned as well.
          That means that the only fanfics I will definitely update (that have been posted-) are the following: IHP, MSiMS, and E?MLS, all MHA fics.
          
          That said, I'm not ready to do this. I'm still clinging to some of my fics. So, I'm going step by step. Fandom by fandom.
          
          I am abandoning all of my fics from the following fandoms: Naruto, Tegami Bachi, Gakuen Alice, Kyouk Kara Maou, Blue Exorcist, Hetalia, and Gakuen Alice.
          
          I have not reached this decision lightly; I've given this a lot of thought, pondering it for over a year, and mustering the courage up to face it and go through with it. You’ll find the overview of my reasoning in a comment to this announcement.
          
          This does not mean that I’m no longer going to write fanfiction. Instead, I'm trying to practice short stories as an outlet for my urges to start new stories, limit myself to only a few ongoing fics, and only posting new fics *after* I finish them.

My ADHD: I want to write. Do all the things, rn!!!
          The logical part of my brain: No, you have a presentation tomorrow, and you have less than 4 hours to sleep. You need to go to bed.
          My ADHD: But my motivation is striking NOW!!!
          Me: Def mentioning this tomorrow when I talk about motivation striking at inopportune times.