Three things you should know about me: A) I have a tendency to ramble. Those that know me personally would agree. B) The weirdest food combo I've ever had was French Fries dipped in Sunny-D. It's actually really good. C) I use humor as a defense mechanism. D)[Yes, I know I said three things, but I changed my mind and added more.] Sanity is overrated. Just saying. 
And now that that's over and down with, here's some stuff to make this worth your time.
"Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within three weeks of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?" [E) I like dolphins. And horses. And wolves... And dragons, even if they aren't real.]
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"If at first you DO succeed, try not to look surprised."
"If duct tape, chocolate, and/or high explosives don't fix it, you have a problem."
"High explosives may not always fix the problem, but they DO make it go away."