@cks10491 Okay, I have read Naomi your story and heres some things we think might help you.
Your first line in your first chapter needs to raise questions in the reader’s mind and make them curious or hint at trouble/conflict. This is not an insult to your first line, but something to help you think so you can grab your readers attention, something to pull in readers and keep them.
Your chapter transitions are fine, but when you end one and go on to another, make it so you leave the reader wanting more or left with curiosity as to what is to happen next or even a cliffhanger.
It never hurts to let your character think. Give your character a paragraph to think, to do things and to get from one place to another. But not too much, though. Think of it like turning on a sharp corner; you want to slow down, not come to a complete stop.
Here's another thing. Be careful with what you go into detail with. As a writer, you want to explain things to your reader so they can understand better, but some things are unnecessary. Does it relate to your story? Will it be important in future events? Is that what the reader really needs to focus on? Or can it be left as a minor detail? It's hard, we know, but these are things you have to keep in mind when writing.
Other than that, my sister liked your story and we believe you can do great things with it. We both hope you continue it as well. We wish you luck, amigo.