미샤

hope you're okay

How are youuu

After suffering with the deaths of my father (not my bio dad, but he's a great father figure), my pets, and recently my aunt, I've lost motivation in writing. I forgot the plot and the supposedly flow  of the story I'm writing coz i felt like my mind is blank and i have no thoughts whatsoever. The death of my father has affected me so much that I felt like a different person, and not for the better. I've become so much worse, and the worst part is, I don't care, I don't even feel bad or something, I'm just numb and there isn't a day that I don't wish I was de*d. I'm trying everyday, I really am. The last few months I've been feeling so guilty about everything, I don't eat coz I really can't swallow anything. I will sleep but then I'll have nightmares, I don't even want to sleep coz when I wake up, it makes it so much worse coz I just feel so terrible, I lost so much weight. Then after a few weeks of that I just felt nothing, nothing at all, my aunt's death should've affected me, but I felt nothing, I cried but I feel like my mind is blocking it so much that I didn't feel anything, like I just forgot everything, I felt bad, so guilty but at the same time I didn't, I'm so confused about it, like i have no feelings at all. That just made everything worst but I feel like I didn't care. I don't know what's worse, Feeling everything at once or not feeling anything at all

hey ! i logged in recently back on after years and realized u read most of my twice fanfics so thank you for that :) i realized ppl still read my fics, so uve inspired me to write again. belated happy birthday! 

Happy birthdayyyyyy ♥️♥️♥️♥️ sending lots of virtual hugssss <<<<<3 ;). 

Maybe I really don't deserve to be happy. My birthday is in two days, I was hoping things will be okay. My baby kitten just died this morning. His name is Owow, I named him after momo but backwards. He's my favorite. A few weeks ago my other cat died, and after a few week, owow's brother died too. And now owow is gone too. And last august the man who's like my father died too. What the fuck is wrong this year

I'm sorry if I can't update. I will when I get better. I hope it's soon. I'm suffering from ocd, and it's going from worst to manageable to worst and to manageable. It really depends and I can't really be somewhere I can get trigger, unless I'm doing exposure. And honestly exposure is really scary. I'm taking supplements, hopefully it will make me emotionless so I wouldn't overthink everything anymore and my anxiety would be manageable.

I really hate this year. My cat died on monday. It's like we can't be happy

Hi, so I'm not abandoning my work but I really can't right now. I'm literally suffering from anxiety, Real event and false memory ocd. It's hell and therapy are so expensive 

Sorry for not updating. The man who's like a father to me passed away 2 weeks ago and I'm not in my right mind rn