After suffering with the deaths of my father (not my bio dad, but he's a great father figure), my pets, and recently my aunt, I've lost motivation in writing. I forgot the plot and the supposedly flow of the story I'm writing coz i felt like my mind is blank and i have no thoughts whatsoever. The death of my father has affected me so much that I felt like a different person, and not for the better. I've become so much worse, and the worst part is, I don't care, I don't even feel bad or something, I'm just numb and there isn't a day that I don't wish I was de*d. I'm trying everyday, I really am. The last few months I've been feeling so guilty about everything, I don't eat coz I really can't swallow anything. I will sleep but then I'll have nightmares, I don't even want to sleep coz when I wake up, it makes it so much worse coz I just feel so terrible, I lost so much weight. Then after a few weeks of that I just felt nothing, nothing at all, my aunt's death should've affected me, but I felt nothing, I cried but I feel like my mind is blocking it so much that I didn't feel anything, like I just forgot everything, I felt bad, so guilty but at the same time I didn't, I'm so confused about it, like i have no feelings at all. That just made everything worst but I feel like I didn't care. I don't know what's worse, Feeling everything at once or not feeling anything at all
