Nd-druidess

Today it’s 16 years ago Peter Steele died.
          
          Recently I’ve gained a newfound appreciation for Peter Steele knowing we might have have both been autistic. Three years into this special interest, I thought I knew all there was to know, but turns out there was a whole other layer to Peter I’ve been oblivious of the whole time. While at first I was in denial of him being autistic, the more I looked into it, the more I realized he could actually have been autistic as well.
          
          Now it makes sense, how Type O Negative are one of the rare bands, that writes songs I can actually relate to. It’s already hard to find media describing the neurodivergent experience, it’s even harder to find media describing the neurodivergent experience from a thinker perspective. 
          
          Something else I’d like to share is that Peter Steele helped me find the courage and motivation to unmask. In a lot of ways, he’s the kind of person I aspire to be when I unmask. I used to be blunt and matter of fact like that when I was a kid, but gradually I learned to repress that part of myself as I got older as these personality traits got shamed in society especially in women. Now that I’m older and in a safe environment, I want to rekindle those traits in myself. Especially, because I’m noticing more and more that repressing those traits impairs my ability to form meaningful relationships. 
          
          I wish Peter would know he made a difference in my life and that he is being missed. 

I’m currently writing a chapter (chapter 17 to be exact) where Peter shows Juliette the ropes of his at home gym after he offered Juliette that she can use it whenever she fancies. A cute chapter idea, but for some reason I’m struggling with writing it a lot. For some reason I’m feeling an unbearable amount of cringe and pushing through it is hard. 
          
          Important context is that for a long time I’ve had complicated feelings around movement. As a result of being autistic I’ve accumulated a lot of traumatic experiences around movement. To my credit, I’ve come a long way healing it and now it’s at a point where it for the most part no longer affects me. I thought it didn’t affect me at all, but when writing this chapter I learned it still does affect me to some capacity. I will publish this chapter no matter what to some capacity. At the worst case scenario, I’ll just write a detailed sex scene to ramp up the word count lol.
          
          I’d greatly appreciate either ideas or encouragement. 

The new fic is out
          A weight is off my chest. Until I had figured out everything regarding the new fic, I didn’t update Black Rainbows. My neurodivergent mind wouldn’t rest, until I’ve figured out everything for the new fic. 

Sorry for taking so long to update Black Rainbows. First my hyperfixation for Animal Crossing New Horizons got rekindled. After that I got inspiration for a new fic with Peter and Juliette when their relationship is further established that I’m drafting out. Black Rainbows will still be updated, at least until we hit chapter 30. Because that’s how far I drafted the story before getting a creative block and not being sure how to continue the story in a way that’s engaging. 

Something you should know about me is that I have the kind of autism where I find it difficult to figure out whether it’s appropriate to say something or not. I used to ‘solve’ this issue by not discussing any matters beyond surface level, but existing that way is soul-crushing to me. It has made me jaded and bitter and I no longer want that.
          
          So now on here I do comment what I sincerely have on my mind at that moment. I try to take into account nothing I comment is wildly offensive. But other than that, I speak my mind and the repercussion of that is that I sometimes say something inappropriate. If you’re offended by that, my apologies. 

Sorry for taking longer than usual for the next part of Black Rainbows. Last week was really busy and I wasn’t in the right headspace to write.