Neah

Can I just be normal? Is that too much to ask for? It hurts so much and it doesn't feel like anything matters. I don't do anything right. It feels like im falling in a deep dark hole again and someone is throwing the dirt on me from above. But, this time it hit me hard. Harder then I thought was possible. Maybe it didn't hit me hard it was just the dirt being thrown on me with rocks and they just hit me down harder.  

I only feel so much love and its hard for me to feel it for you. I did love you. It will happen again it will and when it does I don't want to be present. I can't take another scare like that. When will be the next time your pissed and you didn't take it? Life is pain, love and beauty. I'm not your beauty and your not my beast. I'm not your master so stop calling me that; I don't control you and if I did you wouldn't have ever spoke to me like you did. I'm also sure that you tried to control me but no one can tame me. So stop telling me how I should feel with the guilt trip. Sorry hunny but I don't fall for that.

My Favorite song by Memphis May Fire 
          "No Ordinary Love"
          
          Here I stand,
          Nothing more than a broken man starring death in the face.
          All my mistakes have got a hold on me again.
          
          Here we go,
          Another day, another fork in the road.
          I never know who to trust,
          Will someone just tell me which way to go?
          
          I need a sign.
          I need a miracle!
          I need to know that this is possible.
          I've just failed so many times,
          Is there any way that I could make it right?
          God, if you're there I need to hear you now!
          
          Come back to me love, I forgive you.
          Oh how I've missed you! (I've missed you)
          Just know every time you run I'll be right here waiting!
          
          Yeah!
          
          This is no ordinary love.
          Listen up, Listen up!
          This is no ordinary love.
          Listen up this is unconditional!
          
          I'm so afraid to admit that you're real
          Cause I'm afraid of what I might feel
          When your words start to come to life
          And it brings my demons into the light but I know you're here.
          I shiver as you whisper in my ear, "Child have no fear".
          
          Come back to me love, I forgive you.
          Oh how I've missed you! (I've missed you)
          Just know every time you run I'll be right here waiting!
          Come back to me love.
          I hope you know I'm always with you. (I'm always with you)
          Oh, I forgive you!
          
          We lose faith in things unseen,
          Unsure of what to believe,
          Just dying to be loved when love's right in front of us.
          We give up on our hopes & dreams, & let doubt take everything.
          The door will open when we realize we don't hold the key.
          
          I tried to save myself but I failed!
          But I failed!
          
          Come back to me love, I forgive you.
          Oh how I've missed you! (I've missed you so)
          Every time you run I'll be right here waiting!
          Come back to me love.
          I hope you know I'm always with you. (I'm always with you)
          I forgive you!

The moment when he says I love you is the best. I love him so much some days that I just stare at him and be a stalker. I might not be the best, but I know that he loves me and that he will care for me even when no one will. He is amazing. I have no idea how I got a cute little freshy like him but I did. I love the starts of relationships, I don't like the ends very much.  

I have many people tell me how great I am. I really dont need your love. Please stop trying to get me to love you. It will never happen again. I made a mistake dating you, I am not willing to making the same mistake again. Not after you try to guilt trip me by saying your gonna kill yourself. Sorry but I cant take that chance, especially for a guy that barely knows me. Please understand that you will get over me one way or another. It wont be easy but when is anything easy. Life wasn't made for you to breeze past it like its nothing. There are hard times and great times. Remember both though they will make you a stronger person.

The need to just leave me alone. I don't like you anymore. You need to understand that we wont get back together. I need some space and time. Life has so much to offer even though you don't believe; I promise it will get better.You don't need me for whatever reason you think you do but I dont want you to have me. So.... I think it would be best to leave me alone for awhile. It might be hard but, life IS NOT easy.

I'm free, not a butterfly for someone to catch in a jar. I feel like I need to break that jar and be who I want to be, not who people expect me to be. I will never follow your standards. Hunny I can't be tamed. I'm that wild tiger you see once then disappears in plain sight. If you see me more then once your one of the lucky ones. You may see what's  on the outside, but you'll never see inside; even if my life depended on it. You think you know me but your living a lie. Stop thinking you know me when you know nothing.

I love You sooo much!! Your my best friend, and we'll always be there for each other! No matter what!!
          You are one of the most important people in my life  I could never live without you! You are amazing, smart, and beautiful!
          I love you!
          
          Love,
          Your best friend ❤️

Sometimes I feel like it never ends. Boys never stop being annoying, people never stop judging, and life never stops living. You can make it beautiful but it takes effort. Effort that some people aren't willing to.