Necklaces10

apa ada dari kalian yang tinggal di balikpapan? Man or girl, gue cuma pengen banget punya temen.

Necklaces10

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gue tetiba keinget waktu gue pengen banget, dying buat nyanyi di lomba di walikota provinsi pas smk, dan diganti di hari akhir dan dimarahin di depan semua orang yang nonton. Gue pengen banget lakuin satu lagu itu dengan sangat keren, dan gue nggak bisa, dan gue ngerasa gagal, dan gue benci diri gue sendiri, dan gue marah dan terkhianati sama coach yang gue anggap sahabat sohib gue. Dan sekarang gue sadar, it was actually fucking nothing. Gue bisa bikin musik gue sendiri, gue bisa tampil di show gue sendiri, stage gue sendiri, konser gue sendiri, dengan tim tim gue sendiri, dan nyanyi buat orang orang yang memang truly fucking sayang gue, and even pay to just see me. Like, i actually dont have to beg anyone for anything, or to accept me, i can actually be whatever i want in my own life and thats fucking possible.

Necklaces10

honestly, that was so hard, and still so hard to accept that i quit college and all of that world. Honestly i was so sad, especially when i was looking for basket yard and turn out it was one of the college things and see people my age going to that big college. I was so sad, until now. I think i lose one part of my youth that everyone else has. But when i turn around and see my own life again, honestly, it is good. My life. Can have free time, not working, stay in my room that i buy by my own money, and just eat snacks, drink millk, eat beng beng and watching my korean drama, and it about college cause its "cheer up", doesnt my life is actually more fun and happy than that what i lose in college in my life?
          
          Honestly, this is fun. 
          
          I want to be okay with all of the choice and accept my own life
          
          and start living in it. Truly live, not just surviving

Necklaces10

the reason i'm so scared and it happens everytime i dont work and keep anxious that i would not be able to pay the home, is because:
          
          1. I am afraid i cant do it by myself, and i will always be a big burden to somebody and lent their money
          2. I am so scared i cant keep the house for my love, myself, my baby.
          3. I just feel anxious for no reason.
          4. Im so scared.
          5. But i dont know why.
          6. I dont know what for.
          7. What am i afraid for?
          8. Honestly, nothing.
          9. And i know, it will be okay.
          10. And slowly, really slowly but surely, i will be able to stop afraid of this things. 
          11. Doesnt life is about not knowing future? 
          But right now i keep scared about future. 
          
          Honey, it will be okay. 
          It will be okay. 
          It will be okay.
          Trust me. Trust them. Trust our God. Our friend. Our friends. Our loves. 
          
          It will be okay. Alright? Now dont worry anymore. Nothing to worry about anymore here. 
          
          You are more half free now baby. 
          
          So lets live our beautiful world, our life, my life, in relax. Calm, and happy.
          
          Yeah, you right.

Necklaces10

gue kangen banget sama kalian. maaf ya Our Youth lama updatenya. Gue mau nulis hari ini, semoga gue bisa. Gue yakin Our Youth pasti bisa sampai ending. Gue janji. Gue nggak bakal ngecewain kalian. 
          
          Gue sungguh kangen sama kalian. Gue kangen. Gue kangen.

Necklaces10

@ booosyaa  itu cerpen sih sayang, tapi kalau mau aku jadiin novel, i need a really big project to start all of it. menurutmu gimana? Lanjut abis our youth end apa gimana? Walaupun sebenarnya it is really hard to do lgbtq stories juga gak bisa terbit di indo jadi kayak nggak bisa ngelihat mungkinnya buku kayak our youth bisa ngehasilin gitu, it's so sad, kalau our youth aku udah yakin mau nunggu sampai versi englishnya aku terbitkan dulu di luar negeri, baru maybe translate terbitan indo, maybe kalau tahun2 setelahnya, indo udah legalin terbit buku gitu, sementara our youth ini take so many times kan, aku gak yakin kalau mulai project lgbtq di buku lain lagi, aku sanggup gak? because i need money to live, nulis lima tahun dan gak dapat apa apa, honestly really sad and hurtful for me. But maybe, just maybe, karena membayangkan bikin dunia soal jikyu yaitu our youth pernah buat aku bertahan, waktu aku lagi sangat masa rendah dan might be kill myself, mungkin, i will make another one.
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booosyaa

@ Necklaces10  kakk yg something i wish is you ada lanjutannya gk kak
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