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I have a fault. Shocker, I’m not perfect. You know how some people get fictional crushes? Well I don’t. I get fictional envy. There’s a story or book that I enjoy the concept and environment of. Then I see a bit of myself in one of the characters. Then whenever I see that character I get super happy. I get butterflies and straight up uncontrollable joy. I become obsessed. I want to become that character. I don’t try to become them. In fact I try my hardest to resist it. I don’t often succeed. I slowly become that character and all the pressure is relieved. I no longer get the butterflies whenever I see them. Then I slowly go back to normal until the cycle repeats.
Characters I’ve done this with(I only remember the ones I’ve done after realizing what I was doing):
Charlie, heartstopper
Kris, kmk
Cinder, Lunar chronicles
Tella, Caraval
Now it’s Hunter, The owl house
I started watching it again yesterday and straight up binged it. Idk why but I relate to Hunter. Maybe it’s that lack of freedom, not knowing who you are, the insanity, the crippling self doubt, not being who you’re supposed to be, or something else. But I recognize this feeling and I feel like my personality is about to be taken over by my fan girl obsession with a character I can relate to. Even once it calms down and I return to normal they never really leave. They become a part of my subconscious, a voice in my head. Another perspective. Another thought process. They can be helpful but at the same time not.
We have: Charlie, gay and depressed, Kris, depressed and uses humor as a coping mechanism, Cinder, self conscious bad ass, Tella, psychotic bad ass, and now Hunter, traumatized bad ass.
I’m pretty much gay, depressed, and bad ass ig. Although they do help me gain perspective and think through my choices. I don’t notice them all the time but something triggers them and kicks them into action and well, I have an extra set of eyes and ears. And depression, I had enough of that though.