3/3/16

death.

I miss you, but after one Impossible Year, I think I'm ready to move on without you.
          
          Farewell, my friend
          
          ~ Phoenyx

I can't believe it took me this long to do this. I'm a boy. I'm transgender, and I still hate myself that it took your death for me to finally accept that. It's been so long since we've last spoken. I've almost conquered my depression, but my mother might be the death of me. I still miss you, but 

Take me out
          Finish this waste of a life
          
          Everyone gather around for a show
          Watch as this man disappears as we know
          Do me a favor and try to ignore
          As you watch him fall through a blatant trapdoor
          
          'Cause nobody knows his life

I'm having a panic attack. I lost your note. The peice of you I had left.

I've been fighting back tears for almost 2 hours, now. And it's the worst feeling in the world

The bullying is back
          
          The depression is back
          
          The blade is back
          
          The blood is back
          
          The tears are back
          
          
          
          
          It looks like the only thing missing is you

Another fuck up from the living embodiment of fuck up herself

nfruhkilldrujt 
          stigddmejgduoj 
          stijfpleasefukvftj
          
          Why is it so hard to understand when I'm crying out for help?

We all wanna party when the funeral ends.
          
          The hardest part is letting go of your dreams.
          
          Tell me I'm an angel. Take this to my grave.
          
          Where the search lights found us drinking by the mausoleum door. And they found you on the bathroom floor.
          
          Too much too late, and just not enough of this. Pain in your heart, from your dying wish. I kiss your lips again.
          
          Well it better be black, and it better be tight, and it better be just my size.
          
          It's not your fault that no one cares.
          
          All the good times, they give you cancer.
          
          Kill the party with me, and never go home.
          
          Sing it for the ones that'll hate your guts.
          
          When you're gone, will you surrender your heart? I surrender my dreams.
          
          Some would gasp, some would cry, as the wheel us in by gurney.
          
          They only care if you can bleed. Does the television make you feel the oils you ate? Or every person that you need to be? You only live forever in the lights you make. When we were young we used to say. That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break. Now we are the kids from yesterday.
          
          If it looks like I'm laughimg, I'm really just asking to go.
          
          Though you're dead and gone, believe me. Your memory will carry on, we'll carry on. Though you're broken and defeated, your weary marches on.