Things my mother taught me:

My mother taught me Religion,
You better pray that comes out of the carpet

My mother taught me about Time-Travel
If you don't straighten up, I'm gonna knock you into the middle of next week

My mother taught me Logic,
Because I said so, that's why

My mother taught me Irony
Keep crying and I'm gonna give you something to cry about

My mother taught me about weather,
Your room looks like a tornado went through it

My mother taught me The Circle of Life
I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it

My mother taught me about Anticipation
Just wait till we get home

My mother taught me about Receiving
Your gonna get it when we get home

Randomness Attack!!!!

Whoever said nothing is impossible, hasn't tried slamming shut a revolving door

If it can't be fixed with duct tap, you haven't used enough

Men shouldn't say a women's place is in the kitchen... That's were the knives are

Beware: a dog and gun live here, with every great dog and gun behind it is a country girl with a attitude. Proceed at your own risk.

A country girl punches, hollers, and shoots at you when mad... A city girl pulls hair and let's her dog, that's in her purse, bark at you

I have a country girl attitude... cause a country girl WILL make your death look like an accident. Approach with caution. You've been warned.

Screw the knight in shinning armor on wight horses... Give me a country boy with a truck and a bunch of horses

The more I learn about people, the more I love dogs.

You see duct tape... I see excitement.

If you ask me what I'm thinking about and I say, "nothing," and smile, RUN away, it's safer that way.

I really want to go to Walmart and buy a chainsaw, bleach, gloves, and a rope just to see the cashier's expression

In my closet yelling, "where the heck is Narnia"

Non-Flammable? Challenge excepted!

Some people rake leaves, others blow them. I prefer a flamethrower, it's more fun for the neighborhood that way!